can't contiune this way

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 22
   Posted 4/15/2010 7:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Just a few posts back I wrote about how I was not coping well and all the replies I got,helped me understand so much.I even made the statment that I would try to keep in mind what I am grateful for...........well that went flying out the door!!
I am not coping well..I keep doing things that are costing me not only emotional pain but Money and today maybe an injury to someone else or to myself. If all that I am doing is caused by what everyone calls Fibro fog,I might as well hang it up and stay in my safe place..which is my bed!!
 I had to go out today,not wanting to because I was in alot of pain,but had to. For some reason was in the right lane and needed to be in the left.I have been driving on this road for over 11yrs,so what was I doing in the right lane when I knew I needed to turn left at the light!! I turned on my blinker and a car slowed down to let me in...Not alot more do I remember except running into the the back of a truck that I sware was at least a car and 1/2 lenghts in front of me...Guess not!!
  I barly could get out of my van,so had to use my cane. The guy I hit was very nice..thank god no damage to his metal van is wrecked! I do not know what happened.!!!!This type thing has really never happened before..the not knowing part!! I feel helpless and now hopeless.Finally my apt. with my dr was tomorrow,and I was ready with all my questions. I had to call the drs office before they closed to cancle because my apt with the dr was at 8:30 before the office even opens. I was upset but not so much that the next thing that came out of my mouth speaking to the receptionest,was I want to take my meds and just sleep forever...STUPID STUPID STUPID..Next voice I heard was my Dr,saying Lee are you safe,Lee are you planning on taking all your meds..killiing yourself..Lee do I need to send the police to your house...HUH..***!!
  Yeah I am depressed but never would I kill myself .I have 2 kids I love !!  I had to convince him that all I wanted to do was sleep..My entire body hurt at that point! 
  What is going I really losing it?? last week a friend since the 70's,who was a 9 yr breast cancer survivor,died unexpectly.She got some sort of infection and before she was even treated it became septic and she was gone!! No wonder I am depressed!!
But at some point it just has to get better,I guess when I am finished with all the testing and a treatment plan is set up....Maybe then I will feel like there may be hope..But until then  since I have no safe bed is where I will stay!!
 sorry this was such a downer of a post!!

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5948
   Posted 4/15/2010 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Lee, please hang on! It sounds like you're going to. The fact that you're writing to us makes me think you still do have hope. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength in my book. You have plently of logical reasons to be upset, so I just hope you get some answers and some help soon.
  Diagnosed: Fibromyalgia, Meniere's, elevated liver enzymes (why?), keloid scar tissue (from burn) on back, arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, IBS, migraine
  Meds: Nortriptyline, Clonazepam, Darvocet as needed
multivitamins, l-lysine, probiotics, magnesium, malic acid, calcium + vit. D, vit. C
  Chiropractic adjustments

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17500
   Posted 4/15/2010 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
The depression and stress, I think, are causing more foggy episodes.  You can't just go to bed.  That is part of why you are in so much pain.  You have to move.  Read some of the posts I've written.  It is important to move and stretch with fibro.  That, in turn, will help with your circulation and your pain. 
Get some games that make you use your mind.  I like to play Bridge online.  You have to remember the cards that have been played.  I try to do things that will help with my memory.  If you have a Nintendo DS Lite, they have a game called Brain Age that is really good to help with your memory.  There is a book that was written years ago by Harry Lorayne and Jerry Lucas called The Memory Book.  They still sell it on Amazon.  I read that years ago and still use some of the techniques.  It does help. 
You need to concentrate on what you are doing.  With your depression and sense of hopelessness, you aren't thinking clearly and probably are letting your mind wander.  This easily could have helped cause your accident. 
The good news is that nothing in life is hopeless!  You are just having a bad time.  I do hope you will start to look at all the things you CAN do.  Make a list and you will see your many blessings.  At the top of your list will be your family.  You are just dwelling on the negative things in  your life right now.  That's easy to do when you hurt but it isn't the healthy thing to do.  You will get control of the pain. 
I hope you have rescheduled your doctor's appointment.  That is a start.  Go in Fibro 101 to the link that has a journal and print it out.  There are also links to pain charts.  Start keeping a journal of your levels of pain and what you are doing at the time.  This will be helpful to take to your doctor.   He'll be able to see better what you are going through and he will try to help you get control of the pain.  
You are mourning your old self.  But, you can have a good life in spite of fibro.  I know because I have.  I have traveled overseas, snorkled, stood on a glacier, parasailed, etc. since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  Yes, I have a lot of pain but I am now in control of it and I know how to work around fibro to do the things I want to do.  You will, too.  You need to accept this illness and move forward with your life.  You are at a standstill because you don't want to accept what is happening to you.  This just makes this illness worse on  you because of the stress you are putting on yourself.  Curling up in bed won't do anything but make you hurt even more.  It won't help you enjoy life or enjoy your children.  It will only hurt you.
Please know that you have many great times ahead of you in your life.  Keep trying things to see what helps you with your pain and fatigue.  Concentrate when you are doing important things like driving.  Start counting your many blessing and make it a point to look for the good in life.  It is all around you if you will only look for it.  When those negative thoughts enter your mind, kick them to the curb.  They have no place in a hopeful mind!  Look forward to each new day with anticipation.  You know fibro waxes and wanes and tomorrow could be a really good day.  If it is, wonderful!  If it isn't, you know you can handle one day.  You are projecting yourself in the future and no one knows what the future holds so that is a total waste of time!  Just take one day at a time.  That is very managable.
I do hope you will feel much better tomorrow.  
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 4/15/2010 8:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Lostspririt, So sorry you are having to deal with all this. And so sorry you lost your friend, that must be really hard on you. Life sure has thrown alot at you right now. As acheybody said hang in there and come to us for strength. It is really hard when we get hit with so many things at one time but things will eventually get better. As far as the driving situation, one day i drove on the wrong side of the road until i met a car, i didnt realize it until then. I am so glad that you werent hurt badly in the accident, and neither was the other driver. Just take one day at a time and deal with it as it comes. We are here any time you need to vent. I will pray for you

 Diagnosed with -FM, Degenerative disc disease, spinal stenosis, arthritis, Lupus., undifferentiated connective tissue disease. 
Medications- Plaquanil, 800 Ibuprofen, Lortab, Cymbalta 

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41838
   Posted 4/16/2010 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Lost spirit,

I am so sorry about your friend. That must have been a real blow to you. But hang in there, things will get better for you. Know that we all care about you here and that you can always come here for reassurance.

If you ever need to, feel free to post in the depression forum. There are a great group of members there who are really supportive of mental health issues. We would love to have you there.

I hope that things get better soon. I am so happy that you are okay after that accident. I am sorry about your van. But that can be replaced, you can't. I truly hope that you start to feel better soon. Sherrine is right about playing games to work our minds. I play bookworm and it makes me think. Try to find something to occupy your mind and stimulate it.

Take care my friend.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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