I don't know what to do...

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 5/18/2010 5:43 AM (GMT -7)   
My grandma will be coming home either today or tomorrow. For those of you who don't know or for anyone who doesn't remember, I am going to do a little recap so you can understand my situation.

Early last month, it was discovered that money was being taken out of my grandma's account to pay our phone bill. I never take care of the bills. I let my hubby handle them. So it wasn't me to took the money. All evidence points to my hubby taking the money, but he denies doing it. I really want to believe him because I love him so much, but all the evidence is right there. The stress of all of this has been tearing me down for over a month now.
I was told last week that when my grandma got home, she was going to press charges against my hubby. I don't know what to do. And I don't know how to tell him. My mom says I should tell him, and my sister says that I shouldn't. I am in a real bind right now. I don't want to see my hubby go to jail. I am tired of all this conflict.
I haven't spoken to my grandma in a month because she doesn't want to talk to me right now. She tells my sister to tell me she loves me and thinks about me, but she and I have not actually spoken. It makes me really sad because I used to talk to her at least once a day. We talked about everything.
I feel so overwhelmed by all of this. I just don't know what to do. I have so much stress going on right now that it is wearing me down.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 5/18/2010 6:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Sassy, I wish I had some good advice for you. I did want to tell you I am so sorry you
are going through this. Sending prayers and hugs. Stay strong! I think you can let your
Grandma know that you love her too!

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 5/18/2010 9:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry your going through all this but I was wondering couldn't you make some kind of payment arrangements with your grandma to pay her back the money? I'm assuming her money was used to pay your phone bill and that's the evidence you are talking about. It doesn't look good on your husband either way even if he didn't actually set it up to happen if he was in charge of the bills he would have known the phone bill was getting paid and he wasn't paying it so he should have looked into it. Even tho you love him that doesn't right the wrong and if he did do it he will have to face the consequences. This is just one of those bumps in life's road and you will get past it, try to let it go and what happens happens you can't change anything by worrying yourself sick. Hugs
Fibromyalgia DX Dec 2009, bilateral epicondylitis, IBS.... stay tuned more to come I'm sure.
No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
Don't take yourself so seriously, no one else does.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5948
   Posted 5/18/2010 8:59 PM (GMT -7)   
It's so hard when there's tension in the family. It can just tear you apart, esp. when you can see things from everyone's point of view. I felt that way for years - my husband didn't get along with some members of my family, and I swear it didn't hurt anyone as much as it did me!

They still don't get along, but, fortunately or unfortunately, we don't have much contact anymore. It is easier on my daily nerves!

I hope it all works out for you, soon.
    Diagnosed: Fibromyalgia, possible Meniere's, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting on back, arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraine headaches, tachycardia, skin cancer surgeries on face
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Be yourself.  Everyone else is already taken.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2005
Total Posts : 384
   Posted 5/19/2010 3:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Is there anyway you can pay back the money? Maybe if you pay it back your grandma won't press charges.

I hope that you can get a chance to talk to your grandma.
I struggle with FM,Raynauds Syndrome,gastroparesis, IBS and depression. I trust in God with all things. Been a tough journey and it's not getting any easier but thanks to God and my family I am not alone.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 382
   Posted 5/19/2010 5:18 AM (GMT -7)   
You are in a hard place, you love both and it hurts you to see that tension in the family. I will pray for you.......((hugs))

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 5/19/2010 9:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I have told my grandma that I am going to pay her back. And she was thankful for that, but it isn't really about the money. It's mainly about the betrayal she feels. And I understand that. I am just stuck in the middle. It may sound silly, but I e-mailed the Steve Wilkos show and asked if Steve could give my husband a lie detector test to find out the truth. I just want this all to work out. I hate not being able to talk to my grandma, and I hate that most of my family is now telling me I need to divorce my husband. They are acting like it is super easy to stop loving someone. I do love my husband. I just want this all worked out. And I really don't want to see my hubby go to jail. He's got plans to go back to school in the fall and get his degree in automotives so he can get a good job and provide for his family.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 434
   Posted 5/19/2010 11:20 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry to hear this for you.  I know personally how family troubles can be.  Praying for you.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1286
   Posted 5/19/2010 11:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry to hear that you have been put in such a spot to decide between hubby and grandma. 
 I forget the actual details but is there proof that the phone bill was paid out of her checking account?  Does hubby have proof that he paid money out of YOUR checking account?  
 If he actually did use her money I think he needs to apologize and be the one to offer to pay back the money.  But that is just my opinion, I do not forgive theft easily especially from older people.  I am sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.
Denise from Pittsburgh, Pa
 ***diagnosis: high blood pressure, gastritis, fibromyalgia, hepatitis (SVR),  disc problems in neck, depression, anxiety & stress
 ***meds: metroplol 25mg, zoloft 150mg, gabapentin 300mg 3x a day zocor , (soma, fioronal, tramadol, as needed).
 ***other supps: calcium, vit D 2,000-4,000 per, milk thistle, vit C &E, acidopholos (sp?),  
CO-Q 10,  flax or fish oil, ginsing, magnesium, B complex,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 5/19/2010 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
When I got on our account info online, my grandmother's checking account was saved as one of the accounts to pay out of, which it shouldn't have been. Only one payment in the past year had been from my husband's account. All the other payments had come out of my grandmother's. I even called the phone company and asked them if it had been somehow set up as an autopay, and they told me no. It was being done manually.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 5/19/2010 10:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi my sweet Sassy...

I wish this hadn't happened to you but unfortunately you are in a bad situation that isn't your fault. This may sound a bit cruel but you must watch out for YOU and Alex. If grandma does turn him in and the police get involved they will also try to see if you had anything to do with it. They want to know if you knew about it and just ignored it...that's illegal too. Sadly what you might have to do is distance yourself from him for a while until this all gets sorted out.

Hun, he's caused you awful heartache in the past also and now this..I know you love him but this is beginning to destroy yours and Alex's life. I spent nearly 21 years making excuses for my ex who was a liar and a cheat. I was too frightened to leave and was miserable staying. My family disliked him also and one by one my friends all disappeared. Please don't let this happen to you for 21 years. No one on this planet is worth having your life turned upside-down. Even if you have to stay at a womens shelter for a while you need to think of you and that sweet Alex.

Sassy, this is mighty tough love. I care very much about you...you know that already. I'll be in touch and email me if you can..OK? This decision isn't going to be easy.

Hugs and lots of loves!
Mom Chutzie
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein

(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17497
   Posted 5/20/2010 6:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Sassy, the burden of proof is in your husband's "court."  He will have to prove that he didn't do this and prove what really happened.  If he can't, he most likely is lying.  I know I couldn't be married to a liar because I wouldn't be able to believe anything he told me and without trust, the marriage would fail.  I wouldn't want to live with someone and be suspicious of everything he said or did. 
I will be praying for you.
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 5/21/2010 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   
This really has taken a toll on me. I have been praying that God will give me the strength and wisdom to deal with this situation. My grandma is back in the state, so I don't know what is going to happen. A lot of people, especially my sister, keep telling me that I need to take Alex and leave or kick my hubby out. All of this is a lot easier said than done. For one thing, I love him. And, I mean, it's not like I haven't done stupid things. I have done a lot of stupid things that I later regretted. Honestly, and this may sound really silly or stupid, I wish that we could go on the Steve Wilkos Show and he could give Bobby a lie-detector test. That way we would know if he is lying or not. *sighs* I am just not ready to deal with this. This is all interrupting my peaceful little world that I have tried to create. Recently, I have been wanting to lose myself in my books because that was how I always escaped from everything when I was a kid.
I just want you all to know how much I appreciate you all being here for me. I am so thankful for all of you. Your support, advice, encouragement, and even tough love mean the world to me. Thank you all. I don't know what I would do without you guys.

Mom, I will e-mail you in a little bit.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss

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