I know exactly what you are feeling as I am going through some similar things right now. After 35 years of working and just pushing through the pain being the dutiful, driven employee I have been I am facing telling my employer on Monday that I will not be coming back to work, filing for Long Term Disability benefits from my company and my doc says I need to file for SSDI benefits too. I'm 50 years old and have this overwhelming since of "taking advantage' of a system althouh when I reason it out there is nothing fradulant or wrong about it. I tend to worry about what others think too much. I have to learn to accept that I just can't keep pushing. If I can't get out of bed on Monday morning to go to work and I make myself, I am even more misrable. I have to accept the limitations and know that I have worked hard for the benefits I am trying to obtain. My husband is great support and the people that really care about me are great support. I am going to have to let those that are negative go distant in order to keep my stress levels down. I find that talking helps me through it. I will tell you not ot feel guilty and as I'm doing that I am talking to myself too.
Good Luck and God Bless all of us. Someone said "We are strong" We have always been strong, this is a different king of strength we need to find within ourselves. It's there somewhere.
Diagnosis: Fibremyalgia, Degenerative Disc Disease, Lupus, Osteoarthritis, Anemia, Issues caused by being severely double jointed.
Current Issues: Chronic Fatique, pain in joints (really just whole body) some memory loss, low vit.D, Nitrate, Protien and Ketones in my last urinalisis, white cell count WAY elevated with no sign of infection. General Swelling
Meds: Vicadin, Meloxicam,Omepraxole(high dose previced)Cipro,2000iu Vit. D daily, 50,000iu weekly, Ambian, Savella, Voltaren Gel, and Pennsaid Drops.
Surgery: 1977 - dropped a loaded gun and blew a hole in my leg. 4 surgery's to put it back together,Gallbladder, historectomy, 2008 lower back- Laminectomy with fusion and instrumentation, Jan.2010 total knee replacement with complications(my tibia split)