I can't have my kids lean against my arms- I feel so sad

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 200
   Posted 7/3/2010 11:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Does anyone here have this problem? I am not diagnosed with fibro (have not been tested yet) but a lot of my symptoms point to it. Anyway, I feel so bad for my kids because we always read books together every night as part of their bedtime routine and lately I have had to tell them it hurts mommy to have them lean against my arm. Sometimes i just try and stick it out and deal with it though. I feel so bad because they are so young that i am not sure if they understand. cry For those with young kids, what do you tell them?

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 439
   Posted 7/4/2010 3:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, I don't have kids, but I do have a husband who is obsessed with kissing me on the arm. What I would do is try putting your arm someplace else.
For example:
You hold one side of the book, while your child holds the other and you can rest your arm someplace other than behind them. Let your child turn the pages, they will love it.
Read to them while laying prone next to eachother.

As far as what to tell them:
Mommy is hurt, Mommy has an owie you can't see.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 7/4/2010 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Please don't feel guilty. I know it feels like you are missing something or that they are missing something, but I don't think that is the case. They won't remember whether or not they could lean against you, put their heads on you, etc. They WILL remember that you took the time to lie down with them and read to them.

As far as what to tell them, WCC had some good advice. Or you don't have to "explain" anything if they are too young to understand. You could just say, "Let's move over here where it's more comfy" or "Put your head on this pillow instead of my arm because you can see better." Kids are very susceptible to the power of suggestion. If you try to convince them that there is a better way for them, often they will just go with it.

It took me a while to teach my daughter that she couldn't play roughly with me. When she was younger, I would just try to move her or redirect her attention. When she was older, I just explained that I had a medical condition and she couldn't touch me very hard.

Guilt can be such a large part of a chronic illness, especially when you have kids. Please don't blame yourself or feel like you or they are missing something. You spending time with them is what is important.

Hugs - Austen
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen

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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5951
   Posted 7/4/2010 2:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I know how you feel, Bridget. It was the same way for me when my kids were young, and it broke my heart....esp. with my youngest, because my fibro got increasingly worse with each one of my kids. She didn't go to the park as much as the others, I couldn't carry her on my hip or back, couldn't swing her around....but now she's 20 and she says she never was bothered by any of this. She got a lot of love and attention anyway :) Try not to worry! I know you know this, but it just makes things worse!
   Fibromyalgia, possible Meniere's, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting on back, arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraine headaches, tachycardia, skin cancer surgeries on face
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This too shall pass....

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Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 7/5/2010 12:49 AM (GMT -7)   
When I first got diagnosed with the tumor, and I got sick and sicker from chemo, my 6 year old was concerned majorly for mommy. So I told him I had big owies in the inside and doctor gave me icky medicine that makes mommy sick to help get owies all better. And he would even kiss my eye (where my tumor is) to try to make it all better. I still read to him, I had him put his head on my lap while I read so he still could get that close contact. On my really bad days, I just would go to my bed and have him crawl up in the bed and lay down next to me as I read. He'd either stay the night with me or when someone got home, got moved back to his bed for me. He understood mommy had big owies on inside, and would do the darnest things, like want to take out the trash so I cleverly switched our main garbage to plastic grocery bags so it would be small enough for him to do it. He also liked to take my dishes to the sink. Oh, and he loves to "cook". I let him mix everything, then I "take a turn" after him. That way, he still got the much attention he needed and he felt very grown up and loved.
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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 241
   Posted 7/5/2010 9:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Great suggestions - everyone is right, your kids will only remember that you read to them every night!
My youngest was 5 when my fibro started and my big thing is no one can touch my thighs. You know how little ones run up and grab your leg? That hurt so bad - and their little elbows are just murder :-)
Fibro dx 2004, RLS, raynauds
Ultracet, Robaxin, Neurontin, Lidoderm patch, Vit D, CoQ10, Mag

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