hubby just doesn't understand

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 439
   Posted 7/11/2010 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
he expects me to be pain-free all the time since I am on new meds. just because the meds make it better, doesn't mean that I am going to be 100% feeling good ALL the time!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 7/11/2010 7:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry about that, WhiteChocChip. Could you print out some info about Fibro that explains about how this all works and ask him to read it? Education can be hard for people who don't experience it first-hand. I hope he can learn to understand more about this and be more compassionate towards you.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 673
   Posted 7/11/2010 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
You need to sit down with your husband and tell him that just because you are on new meds and they make you feel better it doesn't mean that you are going to be 100% all the time. And I agree that you need to get info on fibro for him so that he has a better understanding of what fibro is and how it affects those who have it. That is one of the biggest things. Not understanding. I hope things start going better for you. Take care hon, and let us know how things are going.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41827
   Posted 7/11/2010 11:01 AM (GMT -7)   
It is so hard when your husband doesn't understand.  Just because you started new meds, doesn't absolutely mean that they are going to work for you either, there is a lot of trial and error.  And depending on the med, it could take four to six weeks to work.  Meds such as cymbalta and lyrica take longer to get into your system.  Even the savella does.  Try to make him understand that.  And like you say, even if they do work, you will most likely have some pain.  So explain that to him.  This is something that you may live with for the rest of your life.  So he needs to get the picture.
Best wishes to you.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 7/11/2010 11:42 AM (GMT -7)   
WCC, I'm sorry that your husband is having trouble understanding. I told my hubby
that fibro was like having a total body sprain and that the meds I take only take the
edge off, that they haven't come up with a drug to make us pain free. He understands
what a sprain feels like because he has had sprains in the past.

Our pain level can change so quickly and that is also confusing to people who don't
have fibro. Be as open as you can about your feelings with him. My hubby used to think
if I didn't use the pain word I wasn't hurting. I told him that I hurt all the time and I
would let him know if there were things I couldn't do because of the pain. If there is
something he wanted to do and I can't participate I just say is a bad day for
me. He now gets it.

Fibro is such a learning process for us and our families. Wishing you well!

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements

it's a new day
Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 7/11/2010 7:39 PM (GMT -7)   
My husband does the same thing.  I start a new med and if I say I'm feeling better - he thinks it is forever.  I think sometimes those who love us just want so bad for us to be pain free.  I don't think they mean to be uncaring.  I think they are just as disappointed as we are when the pain comes back. They just wish the best for us and pray for a miracle with us.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 7/11/2010 10:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Kiddo...

Don't invite your hubby to a doc appointment with you...drag his sorry fanny along and make him sit and listen to your doc! Seriously, often when others we love are insensitive to our pain is out of stupidity.

OK, I can hear you now!! I can't believe what Chutz just said. She said WCC's hubby was stupid!! Hold on to your OK, let's look at definitions. (if you are bored already feel free to move on. I get on a tangent now and then ;-)

Ignorance...means you don't know about something. Take for example: I know nothing about the mining industry. I've not learned how they operate so I am ignorant on the subject. Ignorance is not necessarily a bad thing. Here's a more refined definition...
"Ignorance is a state of being uninformed. The word "ignorant" is an adjective describing a person in the state of being unaware." So ask yourself, is the person I love unaware of my situation? Are they uneducated about it? Have you or someone taught them what is going on with your pain and medications? If no one has explained it to them then they are ignorant on the topic. Or it could be they choose to ignore the facts which leads to the next one...

That yucky word, stupidity. Here's one of the many definitions... "STUPIDITY is constantly ignoring the facts, acting like the facts have no significance or being unable to draw a correct conclusion from a given set of facts." Sound like someone who doesn't believe you have pain? Or maybe has unrealistic expectations?

NO, I'm not saying anyone's spouse, B/F or loved one is stupid or ignorant. I just put these out there as food for thought. IMHO someone like WCC's hubby is being insensitive and not respectful of her and what she is going through. Often when someone we love is in a condition where we have no control...often a health related condition...our defense is to ignore the facts. (I have a daughter who does this so well it's hurts my heart.) But ignoring someone's pain or what the facts are doesn't solve the problem or cure the person.

I still am serious about getting him to listen to someone he'll respect...hopefully your doc. As I recall his work hours don't fit with your appointment times but insist he take a few hours off to go with you. It might change your life for the better. If he still continues to put you off then if I were you I'd get to a counselor and find some emotional help for yourself. Invite him along but if he won't it for YOU! After all, isn't that who we're talking about.

OK, lucky for everyone I'm out of wind and my arms are sore...g'nite..

If you're going through hell, keep going.

Winston Churchill

(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.

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