I really need some guidance...please help!

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/14/2010 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone,

I'm new to the forum. I joined because I need help in dealing with my mother. I'm 24 years old now, but my mom was diagnosed with fibro when I was 9. She seemed to do really well with it for a long time, but when I was 16 she divorced my father, then remarried and was divorced again. I feel that these traumas have increased her pain a great deal. I have noticed in the past 3 or 4 years that she seems to complain about her pain a lot more than she did before. My mother was always a strong woman, but I see her weakening and it really scares me. Have any of you experienced something similar? By the way, she is now 52

Another concern I have is my fiancee. I love him dearly, but this does not mean I am not blind to his flaws. He tends to be judgmental and a bit impatient, and I see him getting frustrated when we spend time with my mom. I believe he thinks she is making excuses for not wanting to do certain things, and she's lazy. He gets frustrated with her "foggy head" and her clumsiness. I cannot lie, I feel frustrated with her too sometimes. Can anyone offer any advice on how to handle this? How does a person, for lack of a better way to put it, deal with someone with fibro?

Any advice you all can offer would really be appreciated, whether you're a fibro sufferer or have a family member with fibro.

Thank you!

sonny boy
Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 7/14/2010 4:13 PM (GMT -7)   
stress has a lot to do with how your fibro acts.this is hard for us to deal with and some times we cant belive whats going on how is someone who doesent have it going to understand.this is a very hardthing to understand.you need to have him read some of these responces.it sounds like you may be upset with your moms divorces insted of her fribo.you have no idea what your moms going through it is worse than you could ever belive GOD BLESS sonny boy shocked

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/14/2010 4:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Sonny boy,

You're right I have no idea what she's going through. I made my peace with my mom's divorces and I have actually been really supportive, so that really isn't my concern. My concern is that they seem to have changed her, and I wondered if anyone else on here has experienced something similar. By similar I mean has anyone else felt their fibro getting worse with stress? Is this normal? Or perhaps it could have something to do with age? I'm just really trying to understand what's going on.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 7/14/2010 5:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello and welcome to the forum, Sorry to hear your Mom is suffering with fibro.
Stress can certainly add to pain, there is no doubt about it. It adds adrenaline and
cortisol to our bloodstream and as a result are muscles get less bloodflow causing
them to tighten. Encourage your Mom to exercise, perhaps you can walk with her when
you visit. Exercise helps the muscles and relieves stress.

check out fibro 101, second thread, page one. Lots of great information on fibro.
Be sure to read the Spoon Theory and share it with your boyfriend. Maybe the story
will give him some insight to what your Mom is living with.

Your Mom could benefit from joining our forum. We certainly understand the pain and
the ups and downs of living with fibro.

You seem like a caring daughter and I'm glad your Mom has your support.
Glad you have joined us and come back to ask question or if you have other concerns,
We Care!!!

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41827
   Posted 7/14/2010 7:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sshoemak17,
Yes, stress really does effect fibromyalgia.  Sweetie, your mom is probably in pain 24/7.  It is chronic pain, so it is all the time.  The best thing you could do to learn about fibromyalgia is read, read and read some more.  There is a lot of information out there.  I use to get the fibromyalgia  network newsletter.  It is very informative.  It is kind of expensive and you only get four issues a year, but there is so much information.  And when you first join they send you pamphlets that give you so much information and ways to understand it.  This could help you to understand.  Or write to the arthritis foundation, they have information on it too.  Reading here is a big help.  As was mentioned above, the second thread on the forum called "fibro101" is a very informative thread.  You can copy information off of there if you have a printer and your SO can read about it too. 
Not only is fibromyalgia painful, it is exhausting.  That is why your mom doesn't want to do things.  The fatigue is unbearable.  You feel so weak that it is hard to stand up.  But I like the idea of you taking walks with her, she really needs to move around (at her own pace) or she will get so stiff she wont be able to do anything.  The more that you do, the more you can do.  It is just getting started that is the hardest.  But even if it is just a five minute walk, it will help her.  And let her know that she has done something good for herself.
It sounds like your mom could be suffering from fibrofog too.  This causes us to lose our train of thought.   And makes it hard to concentrate.  From what you said, I think that she could be dealing with that too. 
Remember stress is the worst.  It makes everything worse.  It makes life difficult to live for fibromites.  So if there is anything that you can do to help her.  I am sure that she would really appreciate it.  Let her know that you are trying to understand it.  Maybe she could come here and get involved with the forum.  It would do her good to know that she is not alone in this.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

sonny boy
Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 7/14/2010 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello, my name is Kristi and my husband is Sonny boy.  He too was a strong man and worked 80 to 90 hours a week. When he got sick, I did not understand it either.  There were times he did not remember where we lived, he would get lost in wal-mart and freak out,  but they say that is all part of the illeness.  The pain and forgetfullness is all real, I know it's hard for us who doesen't have pain to realize that, but it's a fact and we need to have alot of understanding and patience with them, because we can not measure anyone elses pain. Just put your self in your mom's place when you have pain for one day, how it wears on you and brings you down, that's what your mom lives with every day. So please, just be there for her and support her. And for your fiancee, well if he can't  accept that your mom is sick and needs your support, then sounds like he needs to read up on fibro. along with you to find out more about the illness and how it affects other people so you can help her more instead of doubting her word. My prayers and support goes out to everyone who has fibro. May God bless you all!!!!! tongue

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5948
   Posted 7/14/2010 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   
I applaud you for caring enough to really want to know more...SO many people don't. Fibro is a tricky one, especially since we usually look "just fine!"
There are several theories regarding Fibro's onset. The brain is most definitely affected, which probably explains the "fog." Stress plays a big role and yes, everything gets harder with age; but that's true for anyone. I'm 55 and have had Fibro for at least 25 years. If anyone had told me when I was young that by age 45, I wouldn't be able to carry my 8-lb. cat to the car, or drive over a dip in the road, without flaring up my pain, I would have told them they needed their head examined! C'est la vie.

Good luck with your research and I hope it all works out for you.


   Fibromyalgia, possible Meniere's, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting on back, arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraine headaches, tachycardia, skin cancer surgeries on face
    Nortriptyline, Clonazepam, Darvocet as needed
    Multivitamins, l-lysine, probiotics, magnesium, malic acid, calcium + vit. D, vit. C
    Chiropractic adjustments
This too shall pass....

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 416
   Posted 7/14/2010 7:27 PM (GMT -7)   
It is so nice that you are reaching out to find answers in order to help yourself and your mother. Speaking as a mom of 5 i can tell you there are days i can barely function, barely think, barely move. I get so imbarrassed when there are things i cannot do, sometimes i try harder. That just makes me worse off. i know, usually when i am going to overdo and know what is coming. It is such a cycle. Continue gaining knowledge where you can, and if this will soon be your husband he needs to get a little compassion. It is one thing for it to frustrate you when you have been through it for a long time, but he is a newcomer, and this is your mom. She feels like crap, don't be afraid to educate him as well, and if he is still so judgemental you need to lay down the law and stick up for mom! Good Luck, and Welcome! Heather

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1556
   Posted 7/15/2010 7:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Shoemaker, just wanted to let you know that up until last year I was able to work, not full time but the stress of working, taking care of my husband who has MS and trying to keep up with household chores did me in. I was so tired that I couldnt stand it anymore. and yes we live in pain 24/7. I have also gotten alot more forgetful and clumsy. I am so glad that you are trying to understand what your mom is going through, and hopefully your boyfriend is willing to learn also. This is not an easy disease to live with. Like others have said try to get your mom to walk some but make sure that when she has to stop you listen. Dont push her to hard or you will just put her in more pain. It takes time for us to build up the strength to go further. I hope we have helped you and you have had some really good feed back here from others. Dont be afraid to ask more questions if we can help you we will.
Gentle Hugs
DX: Fibro, Gerds, COPD, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, High Blood Pressure, and Depression.
When I get where Im going dont cry for me down here. (Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton)

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