Fibromites are abducted by aliens!

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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2858
   Posted 7/17/2010 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Two fibromites, Helen and Shirley, are sitting in Helen's back yard in lounge chairs sipping iced tea.  They are trying to decide if they should go tooth paste shopping at the Dollar Store or head over to Crispy Creme for a box of glazed donuts.  They finally decide they have it in them to do both, but just as they stand up to leave they find themselves beeing sucked up like a Hoover Vacuum Cleaner into what they discover is the Mother Ship from some other Universe.  Helen likes the sensation as she is old enough to remember Woodstock, but Shirley is mortified.  They find themselves in a stark, stainless steel chamber with one scrawny alien.  Tall, green with a head the size of a hassock.  Through a microspacial electomagnetic voice simulator, he speaks to them in Englsih. 
"We have been observing your women on this planet and are confused about this so called Fibromyalgia that seems to plague so many of you.  Some of the women on our planet are starting to complain about chronic achiness and have refused to stop polishing our ship." (He waves is arms around the vastness of the chamber which seems to be covered in hand prints, and obvioulsy has not been cleaned in quite some time.  Oh, the Humanity).
"You say 'we?'  I only see you," Shirley says.
The Alien shakes is montrous head.  'The rest of my crew are hiding behind the Linear Hyberbaric Morphalizer.  They have just finished doing research on PMS and quite frankly, are a bit afraid."
'Well, Hassock Head...and I hope you don't mind if I refer to you as HH from now on, there is no way you are going to get any blood out of me or whatever it is you aliens do.  Forget it." Helen says.
HH moves closer.  'So how are we going to conduct our can we know if this disease is real if we...."
Before he can finish, Shirley takes her cane and whacks him over the head with it as hard as she can.  'OWIE!" he screams. 
"That what it feels like when a fibromite brushes her hair," Shirley tells him.  Then she wraps the crook of her cane around his skinny ankles and gives it a good yank.  He falls like a tree on the forest, flat on his back.  'Holy Crap," he screams...what is WRONG with you?"
'That's what it feels like when we get up every single day." she replies.  Then, while he is down, she cracks him good across the chest.  'And THAT is what we feel like when we mop the floor."
Shirley hears some commotion behind her, a dozen hassock heads crawling on their hands and knees somewhere out of the chamber where they have been hiding.
HH is writhing all over the floor.  "Do you want somemore...Huh?  Beam us down, buy some Pledge and clean your own stupid space ship before I slam this cane into the small of your back and you can know what it feels like to step out of the shower."  Shirley says, her cane poised and ready to give him another jab.
HH is bawling his eyes out like a Nancy Girl, gimps over to to a red button, presses it and down the shoot the girls go, landing in a corn field somewhere in Iowa. (that's where they always end up in the movies.)
"Boy, that was you think it was real or we just mistakenly doubled up on our Lyrica again?" Helen says, surrounded in an endless sea of corn stalks.
'Oh, it was real.  Lookie here, my can is broken," Shirley sighs.
They sit there for a moment.  "Do you still have your purse?"  Helen asks her friend.
Shirley checks her shoulder and finds it has been swung around her back, but yes, she still has it.
"Call someone on your cell phone and tell them to come and get us," Helen says.
Shirley dumped her purse in the dirt.  An ice pick, three boxes of Jello, keys to a car she owned in 1976, a recipie for sugarless fudge and a remote control.  She thinks her cell phone is probably home, in the freezer.  Helen rolls her eyes.  'Oh, Shirley.  You really have to be more organized."
"Oh Yeah?  Well...where is YOUR purse, smarty pants."  Shirley asks, rooting through a pile of  store reciepts."
Helen sighs. She has no idea where her purse is.  In the garage...under the her pantry..."
They are not doomed.  They gimp their way out of the corn field,  hitch a ride with two Dead Headers on their way to a concert and 'get their groove on' all the way home.
Fibromites are very resourceful and despite the pain, can still have one hell of a good time!

fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: valium Advil
Reach out and touch someone.  If they don't touch you back it's because you still  have brownie batter on your face.

Post Edited (vestabula) : 7/17/2010 9:06:57 AM (GMT-6)

confused Okie
Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 7/17/2010 7:59 AM (GMT -7)   
RLF****, man I wish I could write half as good as you. That is great!! More More More!!!
If you think you can, you can. If you think you can't, you won't.
I may not do things like other people, but I get things done in my own way, in my own time.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 7/17/2010 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Donna, you crack me up as usual. I love this new story line and I already love Helen
and Shirley! Thank You my friend for making me laugh and putting a smile on my face.

I enjoy everything you write. Your sense of humor should be bottled as a cure for lifting

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5948
   Posted 7/17/2010 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   
No kidding, Donna! You have just improved my attitude for today with your witty ways.

   Fibromyalgia, possible Meniere's, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting on back, arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraine headaches, tachycardia, skin cancer surgeries on face
    Nortriptyline, Clonazepam, Darvocet as needed
    Multivitamins, l-lysine, probiotics, magnesium, malic acid, calcium + vit. D, vit. C
    Chiropractic adjustments
This too shall pass....

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1556
   Posted 7/17/2010 8:14 AM (GMT -7)   
ROFLOL, Thanks Donna that made my day
Gentle Hugs
DX: Fibro, Gerds, COPD, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, High Blood Pressure, and Depression.
When I get where Im going dont cry for me down here. (Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton)

Irish Babe
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1380
   Posted 7/17/2010 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
You have the most marvelous imagination. You climb UP and Down hills and delight us w/ your stories. You da Woman!!
I hope there will be more Shirley and Helen stories. Just thought about something you said once. When you don't feel well, you usually come up w/ these great stories. I sincerely hope that is not the case this time.
I do hope you are having a great day, you truly deserve it.
God bless.  Alice.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 35
   Posted 7/17/2010 12:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh, I can see I've got some competition. I like it, I like it. That was good :) Thank you so much for the gift of laughter.

AK MamaBear
Breathe in, breathe out...repeat
Fibromyalgia, collagenous colitis, osteoarthritis, peripheral neuropathy, moderate spinal stenosis (C3-C6) carpal tunnel, sleep apnea
Current Medications: Premarin 0.625mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Hydrocodine 10-325mg, Tricor 145mg
Other: Omega 3 Fish Oil, Cinnamon, Calcium/Magnesium, Vitamin D, Glucosamine Hydrochloride

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2858
   Posted 7/17/2010 1:19 PM (GMT -7)   

Update:  They sell their story to International Prevaricator for big bucks which believes the part about the aliens without question, but alas, are dubious about the fibromyalgia.   Hmmmm.



fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: valium Advil
Reach out and touch someone.  If they don't touch you back it's because you still  have brownie batter on your face.

MT Lady
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 969
   Posted 7/17/2010 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   

Oh Donna, you always give me a really good why didn't I empty my bladder before reading this??? turn


Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 7/17/2010 3:55 PM (GMT -7)   
  turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   turn   
That is too funny !

Post Edited (crazykitty) : 7/17/2010 5:32:31 PM (GMT-6)

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 105
   Posted 7/17/2010 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
That makes my whole day! LOVE LOVE LOVE it!!! In my house i have "candy mountain" which is this great peaceful and painles place i go if i get my meds or medical just right! But be warned... candy mountain is just a vacation and reality is waiting to slap my butt right back into it.... :) I was telling my husband the other day how when i take meds to make pain go away, the high i feel is not enjoyable at all , and I dont understand how people would take the drugs to get high..... here i go with rattling on again about who knows what.....
Sorry I had to remove a word out of your post, we aren't allowed to discuss medical marijuana.  Thanks for understanding.
Hugs, Karen

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 7/18/2010 3:27:40 PM (GMT-6)

Nana Monster
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 957
   Posted 7/17/2010 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
I've missed your stories. You're one funny lady....take care

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 7/17/2010 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh my goodness, I just about laughed myself silly. What a great way to lighten things up. You have a knack for storytelling - and I love your inventiveness. You sure did make my weekend a whole lot cheerier. Thank you.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 7/17/2010 10:28 PM (GMT -7)   
ROFL I need that, Thank you, thank you!!!!!!

C-5& C-6 disk herniated on to spinal cord, nerve damage both feet, L-4, L-5, S-1, C-4, C-5, Fibromyalgia, Ostero arthritis in both hands,bursitis in both hips,bone spurs in back and wrist, carpal tunnel both wrist,neurofibromatosis, tumors, bi-polar and more
norco 7.5, baclofen, for pain, can't take anti-imflamatory, and a ton more for other medical issues.
way to many surgery to list!!!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 7/17/2010 11:14 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL! Thank you for the lauh. I lvoed it.
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis, Anxiety
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prednisone, Cingulair, Albuterol, Pro-Air, Morphine, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops, Percocet, Immuran, Alvesco, Allerga, Gabapentin, Visteral  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl Undergoing Chemotherapy Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) For MRIs and Anxiety, Surpressed Immune Sytem

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41830
   Posted 7/18/2010 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   
That was too cute.  I can't stop laughing and laughing is the best medicine.  I hope you write more adventures about the two crazy ladies with fibromyalgia.  I can just imagine what kind of adventures they could get into. 
You are the best.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 906
   Posted 7/18/2010 5:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Great story, Donna! There is plenty of corn here for them to land in. Diane
Fibromyalgia since 1984, Sjogren's, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Auto-immune eczema, GERD, osteoarthritis, IBS, RLS, sleep apnea

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