Fibro tips for the day

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Date Joined Nov 2008
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   Posted 7/22/2010 6:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Don't mistakenly put grass seed in your bird feeder.  They don't like grass seed at all and will poop on your car to get even.
Don't think that mopping the floor by using your foot on a damp, soapy cloth is better than pushing your mop.  You with hitch around like Ratso Rizzo for about two days.
Make sure when you use your hair spray, the nozzle is pointed towards your head, not your face.   You will laquer your eyeballs shut.
Never strip the bed then answer the phone.  When you return at mignight to go to sleep, the thought of doing all that work at such a late hour will give you massive Owie.  You will throw a sheet over the mattress and tell the bubby if he can sleep in a tent on a piece of plastic (over rocks and twigs) a 'bald' bed is nothing.
The ultimate shin buster is an open dishwasher door.  Look down at all times while strolling through the kitchen.  Sometimes it takes weeks for the knots on your shin bone to disappear.
An apple pie made with paprika instead of cinnamon is NASTY.  Your guests will eat it but tell all their friends to skip dessert the next time they visit you.  That might be a good thing.
Don't take your meds with a shot of Jack Daniel's.  You will come home with a tatoo or a saftey pin pierced through your eyebrow.
Memorize your license plate number.  Too many silver vans out there.  People don't like it when they see you behind their wheel, trying to jam YOUR key into their ignition switch.  (serves them right for not locking their doors, if you ask me)
Don't squash a bee on your window with the elecrtic bill. 
Make sure there is string in your weed whacker.  Swinging that thing for ten minutes thinking you've just let them get too thick...the ultimate DUH and time spent that could have been used polishing your nails.
Have you seen the commercial for the Neck basket????  It's a parody, for Pete's sake.  I thought it was real and told the hubby he should get one!!!  Don't just look at the have to listen to the words....really???  Maybe that's why I have a salad shooter.
Dogs hate tomato soup. (and it's so hard to get the stain out of the carpet when they spit it across the room)
Chapstick and a glue stick may look alike at a first glance, but they aren't, of course.  Wish the Hubby would keep his school crap off the table....
Okay...any tips from you all???

fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: valium Advil
Reach out and touch someone.  If they don't touch you back it's because you still  have brownie batter on your face.

Post Edited (vestabula) : 7/22/2010 7:49:15 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1556
   Posted 7/22/2010 7:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much for the laughs Donna, those were great. keep them coming.
The only thing for me is I have to keep looking up when walking in the kitchen or the open cupboard door will get me every time which leads to massive head pain lol
Gentle Hugs
DX: Fibro, Gerds, COPD, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, High Blood Pressure, and Depression.
When I get where Im going dont cry for me down here. (Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 7/22/2010 8:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Donna...Have I ever told you....YOU CRACK ME UP!

Hugs, Robin

PS Don't put on sweat socks...spray the bottom of your feet with Pledge and dust your
wood floors acting like an ice skater
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 382
   Posted 7/22/2010 8:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Don't tell your husband that the bug spray is between the seats of the van when your hairspray is next to it.........bugs do stick.
(true story was camping, at night when that happen he was sooooo mad at me, he goes, "Who takes hairspray on a camping trip......a vain person!!!".  It was mayflies mating season, hundreds and hundreds of them.)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 7/22/2010 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Laughed so hard. Wow, I needed this today. Thank you.

And KellieJo - your husbands reply "A vain person" still has me laughing.

How I needed a laugh.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 7/22/2010 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Those are SO funny! The sad thing is, I was sprayinging some dusting spray on a cloth today, and I sprayed it right into my face instead of the cloth. I can relate to so many of those!
Crohn's Disease, Fibromyalgia, Psoriatic Arthritis
1200 mg. Asacol 3 times daily for Crohn's, 12.5 mg. Savella per day along with Tramadol for pain for the Fibro, and right now, not much for the PA.
I'm not going to take this lying down.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5953
   Posted 7/22/2010 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   
 Ha Ha!  Yeah, I can add a few:   idea  
When you have a bottle in the front seat of your car that you've marked, "X - Don't Drink!" with a big, black magic marker, (because it's from the Yellowstone River, collected for ceremonial purposes) and you have another, regular water bottle right next to it, it's best to drink from the one that isn't likely to give you nasty diseases.  Anytime you're going to squat down for any reason, my advice is to look around you and see what you might be squatting on.  And spraying Windex on your raw veggies makes them taste weirder than Veggiewash does.
This too shall pass...   
.......fibromyalgia, hearing loss, elevated liver enzymes, skin grafting (back), arthritis, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraines, tachycardia, cancer surgeries (face).......I take Nortriptyline & Clonopin daily, and Darvocet as needed

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 7/22/2010 10:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Donna! I am very sore and the laugh cheered me up! :)

When you lose your cucumbers, look first for them in the kitchen sink!

Today I actually scared myself. Let's see if I can explain it properly: The sliding glass closet doors in my home office have mirrors on them. They are the kind where one will slide behind the other. I did not notice that both were slid to the left (one in front of the other). So when I went to open the closet, I slid the first one over, revealing the second mirror. I actually jumped and hollered when I saw my own reflection in the second mirror because I thought someone was in my closet!!!


Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2859
   Posted 7/23/2010 4:39 AM (GMT -7)   

When the hubby asks you for an ice cream sandwich and you bring him a banana, don't confuse the look on his face as being a severe gas attack or a stoke.  It's just what we do...and were are very good at it! 

(Sue, I'm sorry but I laughed so hard I peed my pants a little.  I once walked into a room with a mirrored wall carrying a plate of food, thought I was going into another section of the banquet hall and BLAMO!  The cleaning crew was NOT amused.)



fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: valium Advil
Reach out and touch someone.  If they don't touch you back it's because you still  have brownie batter on your face.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 387
   Posted 7/23/2010 6:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the laugh! I needed it today!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 202
   Posted 7/23/2010 10:56 AM (GMT -7)   
OMGSH, that is hilarious.
Thanks so much for that. :D
Fibro    Acid Reflux    IBS

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 7/23/2010 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Those stories are a couple of the funniest I've heard in a long time!!!   

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 704
   Posted 7/23/2010 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I have one, but it's not funny..... shakehead
I wondered why my cousin was not as my son's graduation party
after all the wondering, I finally got in touch with them, I swore I sent out an
invite, guess I forgot him (and a few others too)
Lists, must keep Lists Monica...otherwise, you will forget important things!!!
Taking it one day at a time.... 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 7/23/2010 7:38 PM (GMT -7)   
It is good to laugh at yourself. I nearly pee my pants when I read your posts, too, Donna!

Today, I locked my keys in my car. My aunt asked, "did you do that on purpose?" me, "um, no - that is why I have a hide a key!" Apparently at the young age of 45, I get to add menopause fog (btw, some friends and I changed the word menopause to sparkles), so I get sparkly fog and fibro fog and when they gang up on you, things can get pretty funny.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2859
   Posted 7/24/2010 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
opening a pocket door can be tricky if you are perceptually challanged.  You have to open it into the pocket...INTO the pocket.  If you continuoulsy try to slide it into the hard, solid wall, you will crack the frame.  Plus the resistance you feel is a huge Owie.  I wonder if the hubby will notice the duct tape??
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: valium Advil
Reach out and touch someone.  If they don't touch you back it's because you still  have brownie batter on your face.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42063
   Posted 7/24/2010 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   
These were all very cute and funny.  I can't think of one right now, but I am sure that I will.  Keep them coming you guys, this is a good thread.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 198
   Posted 7/24/2010 6:24 PM (GMT -7)   
OMG Donna.... I don't think I have laughed this much in I don't know when. Laughter is good...My husband had to come up from the basement to find out what the heck was wrong with me.. Thank you for keepin it light.
Diagnosis:  Fibremyalgia, Chronic Myofacial Pain, Degenerative Disc Disease, Degenerative Joint Disease, Connective Tissue Disease, Lupus, Osteoarthritis, Anemia, Issues caused by being severely double jointed. Vitamine D Difficency.
Meds:  Vicadin, Meloxicam,Omepraxole(high dose previced) Vitamin D 50K , Ambian, Savella,Lyrica, Tramadol, Cyclobenzopine, Voltaren Gel, and Pennsaid Drops.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy paths acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5,6


Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 382
   Posted 7/24/2010 7:14 PM (GMT -7)   
My husband's birthday gift one year....

I went shopping, got the bags out of the trunk and set them on the counter...

Couldn't find my car keys WE called a locksmith because I was sure I locked them in the trunk. We paid the locksmith and no keys to be found.

Um, there were in one of the bags on the counter, so he didn't get anything for his birthday that year except this wonderful memory.
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