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Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 8/3/2010 5:10 AM (GMT -7)   
My husband's family does not understand how sick I am. Most days, I can barely walk and I hurt all over really bad. I have Fibro and RA, plus a thyroid that never wants to function in the normal range. I am actually better than I used to be, but I still cannot get out and do things yet. I know my limits. Anyway, my sister-in-law just had her wedding two weeks ago and I couldn't make it because for one, I don't feel good and sometimes, I can barely lift my arms to put on my makeup...and two, I pulled my hip really bad and could barely move. My mother-in-law called and said, "Well, so and so is going and they have this and this person is going and they suffer from that." I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Then, my other sister-in-law tells my daughter that she has the exact same thing I have but pushes herself to do things. UGH!!! I just want to scream!! I feel like I have to keep defending myself and I am really tired of it. I mean, do they really think that I want to stay in my house 24 hours a day? I cry to my husband because I just want to get well so that I can go places again. Why do people think like this? If they would come around and visit, they would see how bad off I was most days, but you all know how that goes too! Noone likes being around a sick person. Why don't they know that everyone suffers different from these diseases? I have friends who have both and they exercise and get out. I can't!! They don't remember that I first started suffering with exttreme fatigue 5 years ago and pushed myself to get out then. I even went back to college. I finished phlebotomy and the hardest, but I finished and I was supposed to go straight into nursing school. That was in 2008. They don't realize that everything was taken from me. I never got to work in phlebotomy or EKG at all.
I get really upset about all of this and my husband doesn't understand why. He tells me that they just wanted me to go to the wedding. It's not just the wedding though. It's everytime they have something that I get to hear this. I don't know....I'm just upset and hurt I guess. I just want someone to understand what I go through everyday. I don't want pity.....I just want understanding.
Anyone else go throught this?
Lyme disease, Fibromyalgia, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Adrenal Fatigue, Rheumatoid Arthritis(Just diagnosed)
Prescription Meds: Savella, Tramadol, Hydrocortisone, Plaquenil
Supplements: Thyro-complex, Magnesium, Calcium, Potassium, Folic Acid, Fish Oil, Vitamin C, Probiotics, GI Repair, Vitamin D 50,000IU and Joint Supplement

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/3/2010 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   
It can be very upsetting when others don't understand. As hard as it is, try not to let
others bring you down. You know how you are feeling. Do what you can do each day
to help yourself make it easier. We are our own best cheerleaders! I try to cope with
the good days and the not-so- good days by working on finding a balance. I know I need
to exercise daily, so I do...even on days I'm flaring. I will forgo housework to make
sure my needs are being met emotionally and physically. When I'm feeling down, I'll
call a friend to go to lunch or just hang out to share some laughs.

Concentrate on what you are able to do and don't dwell on what you can't will
only bring you down...I know I've been there!

I really do understand... Living with many crummy dxs has been a learning experiance
to say the least. Yes, I do get angry from time to time, but I have found that if I take
one day at a time and make sure each day has some fun in it, even if you're hurting
it helps.

Hope you are feeling better soon. Sending some gentle hugs :)

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1556
   Posted 8/3/2010 7:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cajungirl, I have the perfect exuse here. My sister in law is getting married this weekend. Its not that I dont want to see her get married but I just get to exhausted to make long trips anymore. So my excuse is I have to take care of the dogs. lol It's amazing how well that works. My husband was going to ride up with his sister but since this whole cancer scare we have going he has decided he wants to be here with me. Sorry that your family cant understand how you are feeling.
Gentle Hugs
DX: Fibro, Gerds, COPD, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, High Blood Pressure, and Depression.
When I get where Im going dont cry for me down here. (Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17497
   Posted 8/3/2010 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Cajun, when people say things like this, they have not really suffered like you are suffering.  They can say they have the same thing but they don't   They don't have a clue.  Basically, they are ignorant and don't want to take the time to learn.  These people won't bother to see how you are or, God, forbid, try to help you, so don't waste your energy worrying about what they think!  Your worrying won't ever change them but it will give you more pain!  Just consider the source. 
I wouldn't bother to respond to these people.  If they harrass you, let them know that you would love to go to all these functions and see everyone and you do plan on it....once you are able and feeling better.  Let them know that you appreciate their invitations and hope it is a standing invitation so you can come once you are better.  Also, let them know they have a standing invitation to come over to your home to see you!  Then I'd drop it like a hot potato. 
We DO understand because we walk or have walked in your shoes.  We know how difficult it can be and we know you are trying your hardest.  Just keep on keeping on.  As you said, you are better and that was music to my ears!  So stick with us, Kid.  We'll show you the ropes!  smilewinkgrin    Have a great and less painful day, Cajun!
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 8/3/2010 10:38 AM (GMT -7)   
*Hugs* to you CajunGirl,

You've had excellent advice here and I agree with every word Sherrine, Shirley and Robin have said.

There are some people who are sort of rude and ignorant - and they don't even want to change their attitude, so don't waste your breath, or strength on them. Hard, I know. Trust me, I know!

You mentioned your thyroid levels are never normal. Did you know that alone can give you hideous symptoms that feel exactly like all the stuff you're describing - and also just like flaring fibro? There is a great book called What Your Doctor May Not Tell You about Hypothyroidism. Written by an endocrinologist named Dr. Ken Blanchard who practices in Boston. You might find some ammunition in there that you're not aware of - and it might just give you tools to get your doctor working harder on balancing your thyroid problem. Once that is squared away, it may lift a number or problems a great deal. I'm borderline - and have hypothyroidism in my family tree so I try to keep up on this issue.

You ARE important. They don't understand what you're feeling. My mother has seen our neighbor who has a worse case of fibro than I do - and she has it in her head that I must have been misdiagnosed. My family treat me like I'm perfectly fine all the time. They have no idea that fibro can be so radically different for each of us! I really understand your frustration.

Wishing you a better time of it.
*hugs* again.
Why my username? It is real life nickname. I love chickens. Will have my flock of hens one day! :D .............. DX'd with Fibromyalgia, chronic hives, sensitivities and allergies, migraines with auras, tmj, and IBS. Not sure what else!

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 434
   Posted 8/3/2010 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I have to say I am in agreement with the others.  As Sherrine said, some people are just ignorant and really don't want to learn.  I have dealt with similar situations. And when it's family I think it makes it even worse. Don't let this bother you and make you feel worse, cause we as fibromites know what stress does.  There are actually people whom I don't communicate with anymore because I stopped being able to do alot of the things I use to do with them and I heard many times, "she sure doesn't look sick". It bothered me for a long time, but the people that really understand and matter are still around and understand.  We are all in the same boat here.  We understand.  As hard as it may be........Let it go....Here's a hug. smilewinkgrin

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 8/3/2010 5:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Well said, Sherrine! Hugs to you Cajungirl. Only you know how you feel and what you are able to do. No one chooses to live like we do.

Unfortunately, it is a favorite past time of human beings to criticize and pass judgement on others. When someone shows her ignorance like that, it just shows that she hasn't had to deal with the same amount of suffering. I have family who just don't understand why I can't hop in the car on a whim and drive 9 hours to see them. confused I don't think they will ever understand.

I hope you have a peaceful (non-guilty feeling) rest of the week. :-)

"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 8/5/2010 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone. You have all helped me so much. I'm sorry that I didn't reply sooner but I've just been so tired lately. I have no energy at all. I will try to reply again in a few days because I have some questions.
Lyme disease, Fibromyalgia, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Adrenal Fatigue, Rheumatoid Arthritis(Just diagnosed)
Prescription Meds: Savella, Tramadol, Hydrocortisone, Plaquenil
Supplements: Thyro-complex, Magnesium, Calcium, Potassium, Folic Acid, Fish Oil, Vitamin C, Probiotics, GI Repair, Vitamin D 50,000IU and Joint Supplement

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1286
   Posted 8/6/2010 6:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Cajun, for now and I don't know how much longer, I do make what few commitments we have BUT Hubby wants to go to Houston TX for the big rodeo.  We have 6 dogs, 2 horses a pony and 20ish hens, I can't see leaving for 2 weeks.  And I don't want to leave for that long as we are in Pa, it is a far drive, yes drive.....he won't fly.  I digress, sorry your relatives do not understand.
Denise from Pittsburgh, Pa
 ***diagnosis: high blood pressure, gastritis, fibromyalgia, hepatitis (SVR/cleared),  disc problems in neck, depression, anxiety & stress, cervical headaches, porphyria-PCT, IBS
 ***meds: metroplol 25mg, zoloft 150mg, gabapentin 300mg 3x a day zocor , (soma, fioronal, tramadol, as needed).
 ***other supps: calcium, vit D 2,000-4,000 per, milk thistle, vit C &E, acidopholos (sp?),  
CO-Q 10,  flax or fish oil, ginsing, magnesium, B complex,
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