Helen and Shirley take Screamola

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2858
   Posted 8/12/2010 5:54 AM (GMT -7)   
It's a glorious day in Fibroville and Helen and Shirley have decided to try their new wonder drug, Screamola.  Helen arrives at Shirley's house early in the morning as Dr. Ima Moron has told them it must be taken with breakfast.  Both women sit down to a well balanced meal of blueberry scones, a tiny sliver of cherry cheese cake and a nice cup of tea.  While eating, they discuss how they have been giving Mildred from the Senior Center a pill a day for the past week with lunch, and other than a carbunkle on her chin and some annoying lip smacking, she seems to be okay.  Furthermore, Mildred claims her GERD has gone away completely and plans to ask her doctor for her own prescription!
They take their blister packs and tea and head for the living room and plop down in their deluxe, comfy recliners that were purchased at Fibro R Us.  Ahhhh. Heated seats with just a touch of massage.  The tea and pills are placed on the coffee table.
"Let's watch The Price is Right first,"  Helen says.  This is one of their favorite shows as both girls are very good at pricing products.  By the time the program is over, they have both won two new cars, a trip to Spain, a speed boat and a case of Noxema.   But it was tiring and they doze off.  They wake up just in time to catch the end of their favorite Soap Opera....As the Fibro Burns.  Norah Fairchild, who is her own grandmother, has once again started to sneak out at night to hook up with Dr. Steede Toesnapper....Toesnapper to the stars.  Both women gasp....how disappointing.  Shame on Norah Fairchild.
'Well...I guess we should just 'do it'", Shirley sighs,
'Yes...but it almost noon and Dr. Ima Moron said to take it in the morning," Helen replies.
Shirley laughs.  'Yes...and he told me Lyrica would allow me to persue my dream of becoming a speed skater also.  Forget what he said and let's just get this over with."
Helen picks up her blister pack and pops out a pill.  'I'm not really crazy about getting mouth fungus..." she mutters.
"Oh, Helen...think positive.  This may be the drug that will allow us to take our road trip to the Grand Canyon!  Now on the count of three, we take the pill...one...two....three!"  They both swallow the pill.  Just sit there for a few moments...waiting.
Shirley stands up.  "Let's go feed the ducks down by The River. We need to get our minds off this and do something.  I'll go get a baggy and fill it with Purina Duck Chow."  She heads for the garage.
Helen leaves the comfort of the fabulous chair and looks out Shirley's picture window.  She can see the river in the distance and it is shimmering in the hot sun.  It would be a nice walk.
Shirley returns, they grab their canes 'just in case' and head for the water.
Within thirty seconds, Helen stops dead in her tracks.  "LOOKIE...a quarter," she says, pointing to something shiny in the road.
"It's a nickel, not a quarter, silly," Shirley giggles.
"It's a quarter...I know my money!  Now, bend over and pick it up!  It can go into our vacation fund!" Helen says.
Shirley rolls her eyes and squats down.  She picks it up.  "It's a bottle cap.  Now, help me get back on my feet."
Just as Helen is about to grab her arm, Shirley lets out a yelp...then a blood curdling scream."
"Are you hurt...Oh good gracious...are you alright?"  Helen gasps.
Shirley looks perplexed.  "Uh...yes...I don't know why I did that,"...then she screams again.
Holy Crap...Screamola, Helen thinks.  She lifts her friend up with the crook of her cane, and once again out comes a YOWSAAAA!
"We have to get back to the house before one of the neighbors calls the cops," Helen says.  They both turn around and high tail it back up the road.
Once inside, Shirley looks at her friend after one more ear piercing howl and whispers,  "I do believe you are growing a beard, dear."
Oh no, not the dreaded beard.
Yet, Shirley is smiling.  "I don't know...I feel kinda GOOD...I think perhaps this screaming is...whaddyacallit, cathartic!  Yes...I feel wondeful!"
Helen does not feel wonderful...she has to go to Walmart and buy a Norelco.
Both women sit back down at the kitchen table where this whole saga began just hours ago.  They are eyeballing the Duck Chow that Shirley has set down next to their empty tea cups.  It looks...well...inviting.  It's only corn,  Helen thinks to herself.  A handful couldn't hurt...probably tastes just like trail mix....
They both dig in.  What a strange and challenging adventure.  No more Screamola, however.  Bed Buddies and heating pads for them. yeah
The bitter end.
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: valium Advil
Reach out and touch someone.  If they don't touch you back it's because you still  have brownie batter on your face.

Post Edited (vestabula) : 8/12/2010 9:10:53 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 8/12/2010 5:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Lol, too funny!!! Hey, I think I tried some Screamola (or one of it's cousins, otherwise known as "a new med my dr. wanted me to try") earlier this week. I was so sick that I had to cancel an appointment with a different doctor. Does anyone else see the irony in that? rolleyes tongue

Hugs - Austen

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2010
Total Posts : 1556
   Posted 8/12/2010 6:02 AM (GMT -7)   
LOL thanks again Donna, I want one of those fibro-r-us chairs lol. I love these stories and can hardly wait for the next one.
Gentle Hugs
DX: Fibro, Gerds, COPD, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, High Blood Pressure, and Depression.
When I get where Im going dont cry for me down here. (Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 1286
   Posted 8/12/2010 6:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh no!!!! I hope there will be more Helen & Shirley. I still say that screamola is savella in disguise LOL
Denise from Pittsburgh, Pa
 ***diagnosis: high blood pressure, gastritis, fibromyalgia, hepatitis (SVR/cleared),  disc problems in neck, depression, anxiety & stress, cervical headaches, porphyria-PCT, IBS
 ***meds: metroplol 25mg, zoloft 150mg, gabapentin 300mg 3x a day zocor , (soma, fioronal, tramadol, as needed).
 ***other supps: calcium, vit D 2,000-4,000 per, milk thistle, vit C &E, acidopholos (sp?),  
CO-Q 10,  flax or fish oil, ginsing, magnesium, B complex,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/12/2010 7:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Still crack'n me up!. Donna I loved the mention of As the Fibro Burns and Norah
Fairchild (one of Donna's characters from an old saga).

Hugs, Robin
Fibromyalgia, MCTD (Lupus, Scleroderma & RA) Raynaud's, Osteoporosis,
Osteoarthritis, Degenerative Disc Disease, Migraines, and Hypertension
Prescription Meds: Savella, Cyclobenzaprine, Methotrexate, Diltiazem, Boniva,
Folic Acid.  OTC Meds: Multi-vitamin. Vit, D, Vitamin B12 & calciim supplements

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41820
   Posted 8/12/2010 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Another good one, you are so imaginative. I love reading your stories.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 554
   Posted 8/12/2010 8:12 AM (GMT -7)   
"Dr. Steede Toesnapper." I was just rolling when I read this.

Another excellent installment, Donna. We're getting spoiled having our own story writer here. I love it. Thank you!
Why my username? It is real life nickname. I love chickens. Will have my flock of hens one day! :D .............. DX'd with Fibromyalgia, chronic hives, sensitivities and allergies, migraines with auras, tmj, and IBS. Not sure what else!

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17497
   Posted 8/12/2010 10:26 AM (GMT -7)   
You've done it again!  I just loved it.  Think I'll go get some duck chow.  Gotta try it.  Hopefully it is low in carbs.  smilewinkgrin

God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Irish Babe
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1380
   Posted 8/12/2010 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Donna, I just love your new story w/ Helen and Shirley. I was just thinking how I miss Norah, when she appeared. I wish things happened in my life like that. I think about it AND it happens.
You are so gifted and I'm so glad you share your gift w/ us.
Hope you are doing well, my friend.
God bless.  Alice.

Nana Monster
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 957
   Posted 8/12/2010 5:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I love the Purina Duck Chow....you are soooo awesome.

MT Lady
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 969
   Posted 8/12/2010 8:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I LOVED it!!! Thank you again, you are a genius!!
take care

Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 8/12/2010 9:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Halfway through reading this, I heard a scream come from outside! I thought; Shirley?! Lol...it was a cat. But it made me lol...

Fibromyalgia, low vitamin D, possible back issues, Central sleep Apnea, who knows what else....currently taking Lyrica, Ambian CR, Vit. D, daily multi vit. With Iron, fish oil, and Ibprofin as needed.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 8/12/2010 10:19 PM (GMT -7)   
The scary thing is you can actually buy Purina Duck Chow!...lol Wonder how it would be dipped in chocolate?

Excellent missive my dear friend!
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