I'm sorry, I am just at wits end lately... I've decided, I'm kicking Fibro and all of its unwanted friends out!
I'm warning you, it's going to take a lot of convincing but may be a worthwhile read.
It is time for you and your friends to leave! I have been more than a patient and gracious host for the past few months while you and your buddies have decided to take up residency. I am usually very good to you for your short visits. I allow you to do as you please, cause whatever problems you want, while I just sit back and relax and allow you full reign. But this past visit you have taken full advantage of me and I've had enough of it. I think this party of yours (aka flare) has gone on long enough, 5 months - come on, haven't you had enough?
Your little friend chostochondritis, he is just the life of the party, isn't he? Always waking me up in the middle of the night with his sharp stabbing pain, tightness that makes it hard to breathe, driving me to insanity with his constant reappearances. Go away already! What a nice scene you just caused me at work as I'm walking around with an ice pack on my chest because I can't scream and cry at you like I usually do. I use ice, heat, stretch all day long - nothing seems to get rid of you! I'm having to buy new bras because of you - sorry, you're not going to win, I won't go braless at work - you pervert You're almost a bigger jerk than your friend Fibromyalgia over here. I'm told that you usually don't stick around longer than 6 months. Your time is almost up buddy, better just hit the road now jack and never come back!
How about your other friend IBS? If it isn't bad enough that I have to deal with him every day and never get to go to the bathroom when I want, only when he decides I can, he decides to act up for MONTHS! Really is that any way to treat a nice girl like me? What else do you want from me? I haven't eatten any fruits or vegetables for months to keep you calm and you still decide to pay lovely visits in the middle of the night and keep me up for hours. Uh uh, no more! You can leave with Costo over here. I'm not letting either of you back - changing the locks!
IBS, your cousin acid relux that can't take the hint? She can take a flying leap. As much as my husband thinks his new nickname for me is endearing, "Raptor" (short for Velociraptor - the dinosaur, the sounds of my extremely deep and disgusting belches has gotten me that nickname). One would think I was participating in a fraternity belching contest - while I would win, not such an attractive or lady like thing! You may leave as well, I haven't had any carbonation in months, no chocolate or spices to aggravate you, you're just deciding to join in on the party... Let me tell you, party crashers not welcome! Buh Bye!
As for you my dear friend anxiety. I have been winning the battle over you for 4 years since you first made your appearance and I let you win once. Why don't you give it a rest? I clearly am not going to let you win. I'm bigger and stronger than you. The fact that you aren't strong enough on your own so you only come to play with your friends Fibro and Costo is sad. Go find someone else to bother, there's no room for you here. You are just an inconvenience to me. I'm not feeding into you so stop wasting your time.
Fog, oh my lovely Fog. I don't even know what to say to you. You are so successful at your job that I can't even cite examples of what you do to me because I CAN'T REMEMBER! All I know is there have been a lot of days that have been hazey, where I go through walking in circles because I can't remember one minute to the next. All I can ask you is to nicely leave, I can tolerate you maybe once a month for a few days, but this extended visit must end. I am so unproductive when you are around.
And lastly, my frenemy Fibro. I would only call you my enemy, except I'm told that I'm stuck with you forever so now we're frenemies... I've tried playing nice, I've tried listening to you and giving you what you need. I rest when you tell me you want to rest, I stretch when you tell me to, I give you ice, heat, massages. You're just too needy and don't know what you want. Nothing is ever good enough for you. And these temper tantrums of yours need to stop! Kicking and hitting me in the middle of the night so I can hardly move when I wake up - not cool! Squeezing my tender points all day - yes please continue to apply pressure to my knees and elbows - NOT! Seriously, haven't you had enough fun yet? Please just take a vacation at least. Leave for a while, maybe you'll enjoy getting out and doing other things besides torturing me. Could be fun.
What do you say guys? Can I help you pack up your things?