I am really feeling down, as I told my family last week after a few hours of tears I hate me. I hate that I carry the extra weight, I hate not being able to even get in the garden because my legs and right arm always hurt so much. I hate that I am tired all the time.
I just want to go and hide, just not have to face anyone with me being how I am now. The feeling of wanting to cry all the time. Simple things make me cry. Sometimes my family are a big help with it.
Sometimes I just need to be held, but who is going to do that me? My husband can't handle me crying he just leaves, and my DD living at home is suffering from depression as well so I hate to make things harder for her.
It's the little things that get to me. Eating well I should be as thin as you can get, food has no appeal to me it has not for 6 weeks or so.
I make sure I eat breakfast about 7 am each morning. Then maybe a small meal at night.
See a GP you say, well I was doing that he was decideing what to give me. I went in looking forward to getting help and he told me I was a drug attact because I take 20 temtabs every two weeks, Tramadon
2 Per day over 14 days, how does that make me a druggie he gave them too me. That is the only pain killer I take, He has shut down his practice with no notice.
Now I have to start all over again with a new GP this coming Thursday afternoon.
He has all my files, [I hope] I am just fed up. And we all know how the weather plays a big part in our pain, so all last year it was wetter then normal this year with all the floods [Australia] and the rain never seeming to stop the flare has never stopped. I go out and smile and try to be normal. My DD gets married on the 7th May, so I am trying to cope with that just the idea of it gets to me, being there smiling when I hurt so bad. Giving her support helping out as she needs me. She understands but I hate that I can not be a Mum who does more.
My right shoulder is frozen as they call it so the Fibro does not help that at all, just more pain into my body. It means most days my right arm willl not go to chest hight, and no higher I do all the exercises I have been given for it.
I just hope my new GP is caring, I have told my family if need be I will travel for 2 hoours to another town to see a GP who will help me.
I am just fed up with life as I live in pain, exhaustion, constant headackes, my life seems so dismal at present.