Hi mum - trying not to cry here - your post is very relative to me. I sometimes wonder - fibromyalgia is such a personal illness - eaveryone experiencing it differently..maybe for some sufferers exercise helps, but does that really apply to all? I have days where I can sense a bit more energy in me - I will jauntily hop up the steps to my door, or grab my daughter and give her a spontaneous dance around the living room. But most days, I do not sense that energy, and it is not something I have successfully been able to force. The times I have reached deep down and tried, even for a minute or two of physical activity, I have regretted it as it had only cost me at the end of the day. I am tired of being told to try just a little bit...just do some stretches... doesn't anyone understand the amount of energy it takes to stretch a muscle??
Sometimes i feel ashamed of myself for not fighting harder to move a body that clearly does not want to move. I feel like everyone that says "just do a little" is inwardly rolling their eyes at me and thinking 'god she is lazy'. tonight evey place in my upper body that could ache does, and my elbow bones feel like they are trying to recover from an impact with a steel bat, and maybe it is the sudden shift to rainy weather doing it, maybe it is the two nights of almost no sleep, and maybe it is because i am more stressed than usual.
I got up today. hooray.
I fed my 2 and 5 year old children breakfast. good job!
I tidied a hundred toys and broke up a dozen arguments between them. Where's the award, lol?
i even did laundry, and dishes, and lunches and suppers and more dishes. I put on a silly grin when my children talked to me so they didnt feel bad. I put on an angry face when they misbehaved, even though I secretly wanted to crawl into bed and let them take over the house like some weird version of lord of the flies. Right now i am patiently sitting here waiting for their bedtime, even though I want to play the parent card and make them go at 7pm whether they are tired or not.
i am mentally pushed to my limit, dealing with a crushing financial situation , and dealing with it all alone since my ex-spouse (who thought I was faking the fibro to get some fun pills) couldnt grow up and be a responsible parent.
So where the bleep am I supposed to find the strength, the energy, the determination today to lift my hand to scratch my nose, let alone do some lovely tai chi or yoga?????
okay - sorry mum for the long rant here - but is this how you feel?
maybe there will come a point in our own individual struggle with this stupid illness where each of us will recover to a point where we can begin to do those stretches or walks - but maybe, just MAYBE, we aren't all in the same position with this and not all able to do the same things. you think?
stay positive and don't let it mke you feel bad. you have enough to deal with!
hugs. i like virtual hugs as they dont hurt!