I don't know if any of you saw the movie "Love and Other Drugs". I just saw it this past weekend and there was a part that had me break down in tears. I know the movie is about
Parkinsons and not Fibro, but one of my biggest fears was brought to light in the movie. There is a scene when Jake Gyllenhaal asks a man for advice on how he deals with his wife having Parkinsons. The man's response was "My advice is to go upstairs, pack your bags, and find yourself a healthy woman. I love my wife. I do. But I wouldn't do it all over again".
So, why did this make me cry? Since I was diagnosed almost 5 years ago I had a fear that I would never find anyone to love me and accept me and all of the baggage that came with having Fibro. Being only 24 when I was diagnosed I still had a lot of living to do, I still had dreams of getting married and having a family. When my husband and I began dating I tried hiding from him during flares. I didn't want him to see the pain, see what the pain did to me and just see how bad things could get. When he begged me to help and see what Fibro was really about, I let him see and told him "take it or leave it" this is me. Thankfully he decided to take it.
I have a wonderful and caring husband that supports me in any he can and takes care of me. He does his best to understand what life is like living in chronic pain and admits that he will never fully get it. Even though it was one of the hardest things, he stayed with me when I weaned off the Effexor only a few months after we got married. The stress and strain it put on our marriage nearly broke us, but we made it. After my severe allergic reaction 9 months ago and the subsequent flare that has just started to settle down we also had some rough times. There was my inability to do things for myself for a few months, the constant Drs appointments, the constant need for someone to be with me and take care of me and he was able to do it all. When Fibro consumes your life it is hard to focus on others and give relationships the attention they need and deserve.
My fear is that one day the Fibro will win. Not in the sense that it will kill me but that one day a flare will be big enough that I won't be able to come out on the other side of it. Fibro will control me, my relationships will suffer and my husband will want to find that "healthy" woman. Thankfully my husband was next to me while we were watching the movie and we talked about it. We joke all the time that our marriage isn't just us - it's me, him and Fibro. It is a sad reality, but it is reality. I knew when I heard that line that I would want to share my feelings with all of you. I have learned the importance of sharing these "scary" feelings, giving them the attention and validity they deserve, getting them off my chest and moving on. So thank you all for being here!
Anyway, if you haven't seen the movie I suggest you do. I believe the ending was worth being sad during it and I believe it sends a beautiful message for all those with chronic illnesses.
"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly" - Proverb