Posted 10/27/2011 7:13 AM (GMT -6)
Do you ever overthink your fibro and symptoms?
Do you ache and sometimes wonder if you'd feel better if you just sucked it up?
Do you ever wonder if you ache b/c you have been told you have fibro, so you must feel this way?
I do, all the time. I've always had a hard time accepting fibro. There is nothing wrong with me, so why do I hurt? I refuse to get any more tests or see any more specialists... my NP always wants to make sure that there is nothing else when I complain of a new symptom. But I'm tired of looking like a fool when doctors look at you like you have 2 heads, or look as if I'm wasting their time.
And when I ache, I wonder if it's just b/c I'm gettign older, and everyone feels this way. I've had real pain with this DD, pain that I could set a number to, pain in a specific part of my body, pain where I couldn't walk, sharp pain that I felt I must have torn a muscle or ligament. Burning pain where I've used ice to try and get rid of the feeling. I am lucky that it happens seldom.
But when it comes to the all over aching, I always have a hard time validating it. Not long ago, I refinished a dresser for my daughter. It was only a bit of painting, a bit of sanding, but that night I had deep aching pain in my arms. Dh tried to make me feel better, and said, "well, you did such and such, of course you'll feel it. Anyone would, we are all getting older. I'm aching from such and such that I did too." Now, my hubby is great, I know he wasn't minimizing my pain, but trying to make me feel better. And I do it to myself too. But it makes me think, am I really aching that bad? Or does everyone feel like this and I need to just suck it up? Aching is so hard to pinpoint for me, to rate the level of pain.
Then I caught a cold from my oldest son. You know, one of those deep chest colds that make your chest and back and shoulders hurt? That flu feeling that is always compared to fibro pain? The whole family got sick, but mine lingered. Hubby told me to take some Advil cold and flu, that it made his aching feel a lot better. Right away I dismissed it, thinking, "I'm sore, but it's not that bad that I need to take anything for it."
It was at that moment that I stopped and realized...
My fibro aches are worse than this little trifle. I'm sick, I ache, a real ache that I can pinpoint, one that is constant and doesn't wane and get stronger. And yet it's not bad enough for me to consider taking anything for it. So why do I have such a hard time accepting that my fibro pain is real?
There are days that I am constantly berating myself for being such a woos, that I try to get on with my day and stop obsessing over my aches. Then when I have that realization, it makes me think how strong we are, how much we can take. How my aching and pain has become so normal that I hardly notice it unless it anymore. How most people wouldn't be able to ignore the levels we have to live with, and yet I feel like such a little baby when I experience pain from a slight touch. How embarrassed I get from the looks, "how can you be hurt, I hardly touched you."
This is such a stupid DD to make sense of.
I'm not too sure what exactly my point is, just that even after 3 years, I'm still so confused. And yes, even sometimes in denial.