My dear Fibromites:
I'm your fibro and I'm jut checking in, as I do so often. I want to thank you for giving me the fond pleasure of including me in your daily activities...what I like the most is that as hard as you try, you can't escape me completely and I so enjoy the power. Oh, you can use your bed buddies, heating pads, Lyrica, Savella...HA! How's that working' for ya!
I LOVE it when you are sitting with your husband or kids watching television and I very casually give you a big fat jab in the thigh...what a dance you do...Geez, I laugh so hard I pee my pants a little. Oh, oh, and my fave is when you finally fall asleep and I deliver the end of nice hot poker into your hip...just grind it in enough so you have to get up and walk around...maybe take a pain killer. What a gut busting, knee slapper! So much more entertaining than boring old arthritis, scoliosis or carpel tunnel! The agnony I can bestow on you is endless...so many symptoms to choose from...what to do, what to do.
I can't describe the hilarity of your incessant fog...walking around looking for glasses that are perched on top of your head...trying to change the tv channels with the telephone...going into a store with just one item to buy and standing there at the entrance searching your brain for a hint of why you are there...making french toast with paprika instead of cinnamon...and the ole 'where's my car keys' fisaco...Half the time they are still in the ignition but there you are, rooting through the freezer, your sock drawer...and the best is watching you dump out the filth in your vacuum cleaner to see if you sucked them up by mistake while cleaning...You people crack me up!
Every so often I like to get deep under your skin and give you the sensation that there are bugs crawling all over your legs...or maybe the 'joy buzzer' feeling...Oh, and the bee stings...YES! I wish you could see your own faces as you sit there yanking your sweat shirt off to see if you have been attacked by a swarm of wasps! Holy crap...my job is just LOADED with so many hysterical perks...just makes me love to get up in the morning and dive right in!
So you have a hard time explaining me to people...even some of your doctors roll their eyes when you describe your pain. Well, boo hoo...cry me a river. It makes my plans for you so much easier to deliver. The more isolated and loney you feel...the better I like it. When you are perceived as being lazy? I LOVE IT when that happens!
Well, I've got a lot of work to do so I'll be on my way. I'm thinking of a nice back spasm or a killer migraine. Please refrain from your walking, mediation, hot baths or gentle stretches today. I know they help but make my job so much harder. Think of me, not you...it's the considerate thing to do. You fibromites...a compassionate, sensitive, caring bunch of people...it's difficult for me to work my magic if you don't comply so just sit in a chair and curse the day your were ever born...Honestly, it brings a gleeful tear to my eye...
Please oh please?
"I'm your fibro and I approve of this message."
Post Edited (vestabula) : 11/11/2011 5:34:52 AM (GMT-7)