sensory overload

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Date Joined Nov 2011
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 11/11/2011 10:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I just want peace and quiet and nothing moving around me.

Unfortunately, I'm now the sole caretaker for my 78 year old fiance and his dog. Three years ago he had his first stroke, then 2 years later, another. This August, 3 days after I made plans to go to Maine, {haven't had a vacation for 5 years] he fell and broke his hip. He has a heart condition and almost passed away while hospitalized. The stroke has left him very emotional and he is now suffocating me. When I leave, he says things like, "I'll be waiting for you to get back". I LIVED ALL OF MY ADULT LIFE ALONE, was totally independent, traveled a lot, and was in complete control. I feel I've lost my identity. And, you know how difficult all of this stress and responsibility is for a fibro sufferer.

Tonight while watching his loud, testosterone filled TV programs, I tried to sit in my chair next to him and read a book............can't even do that. He has always been a talker..........I am not. I tried to explain that I need my quiet time. Because of the stroke, he just doesn't get it. If anyone finds an article or something in writing online regarding the need for solatitude or the fact that we fibro suffers can't tolerate over stimulation...........especially noise, please send them along to me.

In the meantime, I'll try to keep my head on straight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


almost medfree
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Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 11/12/2011 5:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Taracat,

I'm sorry for your situation. I very much admire you for being there for your fiance.

I know what you mean by testosterone filled tv. My boyfriend wanted me to try watching a show Boardwalk Empire. I didn't fall asleep until 1 a.m. and I'm usually asleep by 9. I can't even tolerate watching football at night.

I would suggest that you try to teach your fiance what happens when he doesn't consider your feelings. He won't have the pleasure of your company if he has to watch a testosterone tv program at night. Can you go read in bed with the door closed? He might be unable to be taught at this stage but it could help you. Would you be able to stand up to him and say no, let's watch something we both enjoy?

Could you find a support group that deals with this sort of situation in your area?

Good luck to you.
Fibromyalgia, CFS, multiple chemical sensivity, herniated disks, spinal stenosis, osteoarthritis, ADD, sjorgens, sleep apnea. I am happy to say the only medication I take is ibuprofen at night to sleep along with my supplements for sleeping. I am on a regiment of different supplements, I eat very nutritiously, and ever since my injury years ago I have been doing my prescribed stretches x2 daily.

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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 5951
   Posted 11/12/2011 10:17 AM (GMT -7)   

I really feel for you. I am enjoying a solitary 24 hours right now because my husband took the 2 dogs and went to the mountains. It's just me and my cat, who doesn't stress me at all! I have been lookiing forward to this for quite awhile. It's the only time the house feels like MY space.

On weekends, he's either playing computer war games, or watching football a good part of the time. Actually, he's more considerate about that than a lot of guys....but I'm very sensitive to sensory overload, as you put it. (Even though I'm hard of hearing, I'm the one who has to turn the sound down if it's too loud, and I HAVE to mute commercials.) It never ceases to amaze me how he'll fall asleep on the couch with the game on, commercials blaring, and I'm ready to tear my hair out!

I love the dogs, but they're always barking at something outside or rushing through the house, bumping against me, wanting in or out. It's exhausting. Or they'll follow me from room to room, and I just wonder, "What? What do you want??"

As far as reading on this, I would think if you googled it, there would be lots. But someone knowledegable will most likely be along here shortly to help you. There are very caring people on this forum. If we can't help, we can commiserate!

fibromyalgia, hashimoto's, scoliosis, lumbar disc damage, sciatica, IBS, migraines, tachycardia

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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 11/12/2011 8:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Taracat~

You sure are in a miserable situation but I think with some outside help you can get some relief. All communities have social services that can help with people who are elderly and who's health is compromised. You can likely qualify for many types of services if he is on medicare, which I assume he is. You can have in-come caregivers come to give you breaks and/or help. It's so easy for a caregiver to get burned out and with that comes another set of problems like feelings of guilt, etc. See where I'm going? Add to that a wildly active case of fibro, way too much noise at high levels and you have a recipe for insanity....if it were me, anyway.

Every community has resources/help for people in similar situations as you. You might ask around senior centers near you, churches or city centers and see what they suggest where you live. I know where I live there are several groups who make sure that anyone who needs help get it. That may be in the form of giving you a break, helping cook meals or having someone take him to a medical appointment.

Below are links to some Medicare information (I'm assuming you live in the US) and a tidbit from one of their information pages. Hopefully you can find some sort of help that they can tailor to your situation. They should be able to get some counseling for him so he can understand that you have needs also. You deserve a life also and do not deserve to have your life destroyed. It's not a crime nor shameful to let someone else care for him and/or get help for yourself. Managing fibro is a full time job! I too have problems with too much noise and the volume of that noise. It makes me crazy.

Taking care of yourself

Medicare covers medically-necessary part-time or intermittent skilled nursing care, and/or physical therapy, speech-language pathology services, and/or services for people with a continuing need for occupational therapy. A doctor enrolled in Medicare, or certain health care providers who work with the doctor, must see you face-to-face before the doctor can certify that you need home health services. That doctor must order your care, and a Medicare‑certified home health agency must provide it. Home health services may also include medical social services, part-time or intermittent home health aide services, and medical supplies for use at home. You must be home-bound, which means leaving home is a major effort.
■■You pay nothing for covered home health care services.
■■You pay 20% of the Medicare-approved amount for durable medical equipment.

Part B‑Covered Services
Home Health Services Medicare covers medically-necessary part-time or intermittent skilled nursing care, and/or physical therapy, speech-language pathology services, and/or services for people with a continuing need for occupational therapy............ Home health services may also include medical social services, part-time or intermittent home health aide services, durable medical equipment, and medical supplies for use at home. You must be home-bound, which means leaving home is a major effort. You pay nothing for covered home health services.

Identify local support services. Local agencies can connect you to services and benefits such as adult day care, respite care (temporary breaks for caregivers), training programs, and caregiver support groups both in your community and on the Internet. To find your local Area Agency on Aging and connect to support groups and other caregiving services, visit the Eldercare Locator at Identify local respite care providers at the Access to Respite Care and Help
(ARCH) National Respite Network and Resource Center at or 1-800-473-1727.

Ask for help. Speak up when you need support or assistance. Help can come from community resources, family, friends, and professionals. Consider getting help to manage meals, transportation, social activities, and services to assist with other daily needs. Visit “Lotsa
Helping Hands” at, a free service for creating private online communities where family and friends can stay informed and easily provide assistance to caregivers, share a common calendar, and find additional resources.

Please reach out and find someone to help you. It's hard to feel loving toward someone you truly care about when they are making your own life miserable.

Keep in touch..OK
Moderator on the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain forums
Fibromyalgia, IDDM. UC, , Osteoarthritis slowly meandering around everywhere
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny..." ~Isaac Asimov

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 11/12/2011 9:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Chutz forgot to mention that medicare and medicaid will also cover X ammount of time where a nurse or cna comes in and cares for the disabled/elderly (RESPITE). Also inquire with Adult And Family Services and Ask for the Disabled/Elderly case worker.
"The Walking Medical Mystery"

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