Oh, Crush! How horrible. I've been through this and it's unbelievable. The shock of this type of death is difficult to deal with. My husband died of a massive heart attack while out of town. We had talked on the phone fifteen minutes before he died. He was 51 and I was 50. No. You do not expect to be a widow at that young age.
How old are your children? My children were 23, 20, and 19 when my husband died and my son (the 20 year old) had to help me plan the funeral. That's a lot for a kid that age. I hope your children are older.
Life does go on. You don't know how it possibly can, but it does. Crush, it's amazing how you can adapt when you really have to. I was in a real mess when my husband died. You see, we were in the process of relocating to Florida when this tragedy happened. Our house up north had been sold and I was up there going through 28 years of accumulation awaiting the move...which was supposed to be 13 days away. Now everything changed! Then, 17 days later, my Mom had a brainstem stroke! OMG! Talk about fog! But, with God's help I made it through this period and I know He will help you too.
You will shed many tears. I still will cry sometimes when I think of my husband because I'm still very much in love with him. It's been over 14 years since he left but I do believe we will be together again. That has helped me immensely. Also, after the memorial service and then my move, I did go to grief therapy. This really helped a lot, too. You know you aren't alone.
I think a sudden death is more difficult to deal with. If our husbands had been sick and were suffereing, even though we would be extremely sad when they passed on, we still would be relieved that they weren't suffering anymore. But, when they pass on when you think they are healthy, it's so difficult for your brain to process this. Prayers, talking about it, and grief therapy helps with all of this. Don't hold your feelings in. You need to let them out.
So many prayers are heading your way. I really do feel your pain with this issue and am so saddened that this has happened to you. Please, if you want to talk, just click on the little envelope under my name and send me an email. I will be here to help you for however long it takes you to heal. You will heal, Crush. I know it doesn't seem at all possible right now, but you will have a full life again along with much happiness. This did surprise me greatly, but it happened to me so I know it will happen to you, too. Meanwhile, we are all here for you...a virtual shoulder to cry on.
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Diabetes, Osteoporosis, Glaucoma, Scoliosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7