Purpose?

Hi Everyone,

I have not posted in a little while. I am feeling in need of some suggestions and thoughts.

Do any of you ever feel you lack purpose? Have you ever thought that even though you can't work - you are still meant to be doing something to be giving back? And, if so what do you do?

I tried volunteer work at my son's school and I did like it however, I felt pressure of them getting used to be being there and expecting me to come in. This caused anxiety, stress and exacerbated my symptoms, the very exact thing we try to avoid. I read, watch movies, spend time on my computer, listen to music and socialize when I can. I am a wife and mom of a 2 sons 16 and 25. I enjoy all of these things, and am grateful to have a wonderful understanding husband. However, my life feels empty of purpose. My body no longer can do the things it used to, and some days my mind can't either, but I feel unfulfilled. I feel so much better than I did when I worked. So much that on good days, I get to thinking oh I bet I can work again. This happened recently.

I was thinking I should look for a part time job. A couple days later I came down with a Urinary infection. OUCH! I am having trouble getting it to go away! The extra pain caused Fibro flare and I was in bed for 6 days. I felt better, got off the antibiotics, and 4-5 days later, UTI is back. I am on round 2 of a different antibiotic. It was like a huge dose of reality. The new antibiotics made me ill. So more days in bed. My body is adjusting to them and nausea has passed.

I just thought... man, what if I'd of had a job? Call in sick for 3 weeks?

Am I putting to much pressure on myself? I know that I have a medical illness. How do you accept this without feeling like you are not doing all you can? Am I over reacting? Do any of you feel this way?

I am not trying to say I am depressed or unhappy. I have been to therapy with my husband and we have learned C is the new A. We've learned how to let Fibro into our marriage. I am really OK, but not complete satisfied within. I have this nagging feeling there is something. I am 50 and maybe it's that I am not ready to consider myself retired?

I have little support from friends or family outside of my own husband and sons. My world is pretty small inside of the whole. I feel alone even though I know I am not.

Well thanks for anyone who has some input on this. I am not sure if I am making sense.

My Best

Springsun,

I think you are making very good sense. It's really hard, especially in our culture, where we have, "Do! Produce! Push!" pounded into us 24/7 from the time we're old enough to relate to others, to feel good about ourselves when we can't live up to that ideal.

I see how hard my husband has to work to keep our family afloat, and I hate it. I still do substitue teaching when I can (which I do get a good feeling from, though it's very stressful) but that's become so seldom that it's not worth mentioning, financially speaking. I pinch pennies, to the point where he tells me I'm being silly, but hey - that's all I CAN do. All my medical bills, I don't have control over. Cheaper coffee - I do.

Maybe there are other places you could volunteer where they wouldn't expect you at any set times, where it really could be just when you're up to it. What appeals to you?

I hope your UTI clears up soon and you're back on your feet.

Debbie

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Moderator, Fibromyalgia Forum

Fibromyalgia, herniated disc L4-5, (with recent surgery), bulging disc L5-S1, other assorted spinal deterioration, scoliosis, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, IBS, migraines, tachycardia, hearing loss (probably Menieres)

-sigh- It's a hard call. I teach at a university, so I have summers 'off' (not really but kinda sorta). I always feel a lack of purpose then, as if I want to get involved with something. Go work for a food bank, a soup kitchen, what have you. Then, I think that I would have to ID one, and get involved and then the new semester would start and then I would be over-booked ASAP, and then...

That is the pitts about fibro. Self-defeating thinking, or, rather, thinking that is always predicated on how you feel, and the fickleness of your body.

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Fibromyalgia DX 2005. Ulcerative Colitis, arthritis, TMJ. Family History of Fibro--2 out of 3 siblings diagnosed.

There are three kinds of people in the world: ones who see the glass as half-full, ones who see the glass as half-empty, and others who see a big crack in the side which is leaking all over their %$#@# foot.

Hi, Springsun~

I'm late joining in on this discussion, but you've echoed so much of the same things I that I feel.  I'm fifty-three and haven't worked for about eight years.  (Rheumatoid arthritis is actually why I had to quit working, but now fibro adds to the fun!)

I love animals, and wanted to volunteer at a local shelter, but they want a commitment of certain days/hours in advance, and as we all know, planning and the ebb and flow of chronic conditions do not mesh too well. 

I often feel like a burden to my husband, even though he's supportive, and I'm very grateful for that, so I hear where you're coming from there, too. 

I also occasionally entertain the (fanciful) idea that I could get a part-time job, but a flare of one thing or another brings me back to reality in a hurry.  In short, I don't really have any answers, but I definitely understand.

I don't have much of a circle of friends outside of my family, either, and I miss having some social interaction.  I actually end up avoiding some of the opportunities I do have for spending time around people, because invariably someone will ask me what I "do", and I've yet to find an answer that doesn't put me and/or the asker of the question in an awkward position, so I just tend to avoid the situation.

A few people have been rude...when they find out that my husband and I don't have children, and that I don't work, they've said "What do you do all day?!", and I just don't know how to answer.  Once my husband and I were having lunch with some distant relatives of his, and one of the women asked me what I do, and I said (it was wintertime, and we have a woodstove in our home that we use for supplemental heating), that I stay home and "feed" the woodstove to help cut our heating costs.  (My answer was not well thought out, but I stupidly wasn't prepared for the question.)   Anyway, one of the men leaned over to his wife, and I heard him whisper to her "She doesn't work so she can save $200 a month?!)  That really hurt my feelings, and it made me a little mad...I could have explained in detail then and there and made him feel like a schmuck, but I just kept quiet, because I didn't want to spoil the visit.

Anyway, I got a bit off-track from the sentiment you expressed about feeling unfulfilled...I'm sorry that I really don't have answers for you, but I do share your pain.  Like you, I don't think I'm depressed or unhappy, but there's definitely something missing.  It's tough, and I feel for you.  Thanks for a great thread--I think you've brought something up that many of us struggle with.

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"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain."

Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Type 1 Diabetes, Grave's Disease, GAD, migraines, panic attacks, chronic hangnails (just seeing if you're paying attention!) : )

Post Edited (kimliz59) : 4/14/2012 9:25:07 PM (GMT-6)

Hi, Springsun~

Yes, people are often unwittingly hurtful, and I too have "friends" who call when they're bored but conveniently forget about me when they have something else to do.  And as you said, they get tired of hearing the same things from me, so our relationships have dwindled away.  I guess the health issues we deal with allow us to find out who our real friends are, but it can be a painful process!

Like you, my husband is the only person who truly understands what I go through, and I thank God for him every day!  I don't know what I'd do without his love and support...I hear of people whose spouses are unsupportive or even unkind, and I can't imagine dealing with that.  As you and others said, I don't like how hard he has to work to support us, nor do I like being dependant, but I can't change it, so perhaps I'm to learn a lesson...I often think that the trials we face are to enlighten us in some way, and I do try to learn those lessons, but it's not always easy. 

As you said "Acceptance is key", and how true that is!  I tend to be a type A personality, and I have a difficult time relaxing, as you mentioned, so it's been an ongoing struggle for me to listen to my body and rest when it's telling me to.  I'm actually my own worst enemy when it comes to expectations and pushing myself, but I've been doing better lately, so maybe I'm making progress in the acceptance arena!

I love flowers and working outside, especially in the spring, but I've been doing well at pacing myself and just doing a little bit at a time--very uncharacteristic of me! 

Well, from what you said, I guess you're about done with your antibiotics, so that's a good thing!  I had to be on antibiotics a couple of months ago, and after I finished them, I started taking probiotics to replenish the good bacteria in my system, and I think that helped.  I hope you're feeling better soon!

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"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain."

Fibromyalgia, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Type 1 Diabetes, Grave's Disease, GAD, migraines, panic attacks, chronic hangnails (just seeing if you're paying attention!) : )