I’m about half way through my second diploma… And I’m REALLY
Today’s been the epitome of why. I’m on holidays from work,
and I figured that I could use these few weeks to catch up on everything I’ve
let slide during my work year. (Housework and school work.)
That hasn’t happened. I ran myself into the ground to get
through the end of last year. I knew I was doing it at the time, but it’s only
now I’m dealing with the flare up that I really appreciate how far I’ve run
ANYWAY. So I’m trying to do an assignment. I get achy, and
find myself mindlessly wandering around the house. (I wander when I get achy.
Around in circles usually.)
So I figure I’ll take some pain killers. I stop wandering
around in circles… But now my brains squishy and I can only seem to recall one sentence
of what I’ve just read at a time. So I watch TV until the pain killers wear off
I can finally read, and I read about two pages… But gee my
legs are stiff… maybe I should stretch them out…. Annnnddd before you know it I’m
wandering around in circles, unable to sit still or think because I’m achy.
It’s been four hours
since I took anything, so I take a second dose of pain killers. Now I can’t
focus enough to read again.
It’s driving me crazy. The really, REALLY stupid part is that
it’s a Diploma of children’s services, and the unit I’m doing is about
inclusive practices, and how educators need to work to the strengths of
students… And when I asked if I could get an audio version of the text book, I
got a “Why would we have that?” When I’ve explained I just need more time I get
met with “You just have to commit yourself to finishing.”
I’m feeling completely and utterly useless. I’ve been doing
this job for 5 years. I know everything I’m studying… I just can’t get that knowledge
And then because I can’t write it down, that little negative
voice in my head starts questioning if I actually know anything at all… And now
I feel like I’m rubbish at my job and everyone just humours me while I’m there.
Has anyone found a way to work through this? I know that there
are some days when I need to just forget about studying because I’m just not
capable of doing it, and trying to do so just leads to tantrums…. But what
happens when those days come in 6 month blocks?