Maitand, my husband suffered from depression so I do understand something about it. He would come home from work, close himself in the bedroom and draw the draperies and lay in the dark. He really was suffering badly. I convinced him to get help, finally, and he got on medication that helped him a lot. Plus I encouraged him to get out and start enjoying life. He listened to my suggestions and before you knew it, he was the social director of the neighborhood! He started a weekly golf outing with the guys, made golf clubs, Tiffany lamps, etc. He was finally enjoying life.
Then the bottom dropped out.... he died suddenly! I become extremely depressed. I would go to bed at night and ask God to take me because I didn't want to be here anymore. So, yes, I do know the pain of depression well. My life was in shambles. Seventeen days after my husband died suddenly, my mother had a brainstem stroke and nearly died. My husband and I were in the process of moving from Ohio to Florida and our house had already sold. So there I was, no home, no husband, and my Mom was so sick.
I flew to Florida and bought my home, saw my Mom in the ICU unit and flew back to Ohio awaiting the move. I had to have a memorial service for him in Ohio because he died in Florida. It was a mess. Once the move took place....five weeks after he died....I started to really withdraw. I only went grocery shopping and visiting my Mom in rehab. Then she came to live with me but had more strokes within a week so I had to put her in a nursing home because I couldn't take care of all she needed.
As I said, I withdrew from life. It was easier that way but, thank God, I knew it was about the worst thing I could do because I had watched my husband do the same thing for years. It was especially difficult for me because I was in a new place, didn't know my way around and didn't know anybody either! So I went to the Chamber of Commerce and checked out clubs that were offered and started joining things just to meet people. All of this helped me climb out of that deep hole I was in.
I also would make a goal for the day. It could be soooo simple. It might be just going to one of the club meetings, or going grocery shopping, or cleaning off the top of my dresser. But when I completed it, I felt better. I was finally starting to accomplish some things instead of sitting there watching my life go by. Pretty soon I was doing more and more, feeling better and better mentally, until I reached the point I'm at now. I'm very happy, enjoy my life, am so thankful for what I have and the many blessings I have, and I smile a lot. Smiling makes people wonder what you've been up to!
Many with fibro do suffer from depression but there is help out there for you. Plus, you need to keep looking for things that will help you with the pain of fibro. When you do, then that will help you with the pain of depression. You will feel better physically and then mentally. But, you do have to make the first move. You have to decide that you want to start enjoying life.
I hope this has helped you and that you will set a small goal for yourself tomorrow. Perhaps it could be to go for a walk. That would be a wonderful thing to do. I love looking at all the beauty around me when I'm walking. I look for critters, bugs, landscaping ideas, cloud formations and I do thank God for my sight and for all He has provided for me to see. I tell you, Maitland, I feel much better by the time I get home and my pain is less and so is my fatigue. Then I'm ready to perhaps clean off a shelf.
I do pat myself on the back a lot for the things I do accomplish. We never know if we can do something unless we try! You said you can't do a wee simple task, but did you ever try? I surprise myself so many times! I was diagnosed with a spinal disease last year and actually could barely walk at the time. I got the help I needed and am so much better now. Anyway, here is an example of what I'm getting at. I had 75 bags of mulch delivered to my home this week. I didn't know how I was going to be able to spread it but I knew it would get done. My daughter came over with a friend and the three of us spread that mulch in 1 1/2 hours! Yep, I really did 1/3 of that myself...including lifting the bags to dump the mulch and then rake it around! Guess what? My back was fine, my fibro was fine, and my yard now is very fine! Now, I could have told myself I couldn't do it....and I couldn't have since I wouldn't have tried. I can't tell you how many times I've done things that really didn't seem possible.
Anyway, I've made this into a novel and I do need to get my dinner going. I hope my sharing a bit of what I did will help you. Let me know how you do, okay? I really do care about you.
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Diabetes, Osteoporosis, Glaucoma, Scoliosis, Ankylosing Spondylitis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7