I'm a long time lurker but finally decided to make an account. Today is just a really bad day mentally and physically and I feel really alone.
For se background, I was dxd with Fibro a year ago to the week, at 27. Now I'm a year older and a year achier
My fibro came on slowly after a period of high stress, living in a mold infested apartment, and moving + a new job. Since then things have moved from just my hands and upper back to all over. I consider myself on the milder/moderate end of things, generally. I've also got IBS and anxiety, and a chronic ulcer I've been battling for 8 months.My anxiety can get pretty severe and is (wait for it) almost exclusively health/catastrophe related.
My dx was a tough nut to swallow. I lost my job, which was retail, went through mourning (felt like my life was over before it even started), went on gabapentin, have been doing pretty well. After 6 months unemployed, I found a desk job that I do really well at, and working does a lot for my well being. I do not have a partner, but live with two roommates who are good friends on the opposite end of the country from my family. Generally, I consider myself doing pretty well. I will work as long as I can and I hope more than anything I can still meet someone and live a full life.
Lately I have been feeling worse, and I'm not sure if it is fibro taking over more, or just temporary because I have been working my bottom off at the office (accountant office during tax season!!
What really hit me though is that I've just finished up a vacation with my parents- it's the first time I've seen them in a year, and we had a great time (they have been supportive and understanding when I told then in advance I was going to have to take things very easy. Spent a lot of time relaxing, napping, in the hot tub, and heated pool!).
Still, even taking it easy, the excitement and traveling and bad sleep away from my bed is taking its toll. And once they left, I missed them so much.. And then I thought about
how different things were a year ago... And how I didn't want to be even worse a year from now..and gave myself a panic attack last night, which manifested as a flare today.
So now I'm on the east coast thousands of miles from home and alone in a hotel room, battling my body and my anxiety and just feeling very lost for the first time in a long time.
I'm trying to just get through today, minute my minute (got some room service so I wouldn't have to go out, have my heating pad with me..), but its hard not to worry about
the future and how ill feel in a month or a year or a decade when i feel so bad right now, and just 14 months agi i felt normal. Today is just not a good day, and I just don't wanna be alone
Post Edited (Aches M.) : 5/12/2014 5:47:43 PM (GMT-6)