Posted 6/29/2020 11:18 AM (GMT -6)
Norah and Poindexter are sitting on an uncomfortable love seat eating Milky Way bars. The candle is nothing more than a puddle of wax and a mere flicker. Poindexter puts his candy bar on the arm of the love seat and hobbles over to her candle stash. He knows exactly where it is,(in a cedar chest in the corner of the room) having watched her through his telescope for months on end. He pulls a new Glade Vanilla scent out of it's box and lights it with his emergency Bic that he carries around at all times.
"Now I can see your beautiful face, Norah Fairchild," he says softly, sitting back down next to her.
"Yoush dun't hash to call me Norash Farshilde. Jush Norah will do," she says with a mouth full of sweet, chocolately caramal. Her cheeks are about to explode.
"Never. I love you too much. I must say your name in it's entirety. I MUST!"
There is a commotion coming from the bed room. Steede Toesnapper is apparently annoyed. They can hear him yelling.
"I am NOT the janitor...I did NOT fall down an elevator shaft...my memory is coming back...I am Steede Toesnapper...toesnapper to the stars! I think...I think I was partially electocuted by your Fibro heating pad, Norah...I think you tried to kill me!" he rants.
"Go clobber him over the head with my heavy duty meat mallet," Norah says to Poindexter. "It's in the kitchen...maybe the oven."
Poindexter sighs. "I will do anything for you, Norah Fairchild...But I can't whack him in the head. No. There has got to be another way. Say...why don't we just drag him out into the hall and leave him there for a neighbor to find? Get rid of him once and for all. Change your locks. You have me now...you don't need him!"
Norah looks at him in sheer amazement. "Are you freaking kidding me? YOU are the one he said he must be punished. And so he will! NO! He has ruined my life! (camera zoom to her face that is screwed into a nasty scowl.)
Steede has pushed open the bed room door and is crawling into the living room on his hands and knees. His hair plugs look like gummy worms and his tongue is hanging out of the side of his mouth like a foot of a clam. "Let me outta here, you psycho fibromite! I promise I won't go to the police!"
"Lyrica, Poindexter?" Norah says picking up the bottle off the coffee table and dumping one into the palm of her hand.
"Yes, thank you Norah Fairchild...I think I will join you. My thighs are really in a nasty spasm."
"LYRICA? LYRICA???" Steede screams. "Do you not see an injured man before you, crawling on his hands and knees... who has been burned to a crisp like a day old roller dog at Seven/Eleven?"
"Whack him with the meat mallet," Poindexter. "Whack him...whack him good." Norah says, swallowing her Lyrica with no water.
"No can do, Norah Fairchild. I say we duct tape him to your simmering fibro chair until we can think. You know THE FOG...it gets in the way of reasonable judgement."
Steede hears this idea and manages to stand up. He lunges for the front door, and turns the door knob.
"Stop him, Poindexter!" Norah croaks, as she shoves the last Milky Way bar in her mouth before her fibromite friend gets to it.
Poindexter stands up but his knees buckle. Plus the hem of is 'as seen on TV' Snuggie gets caught in the heel of his shoe. "YOWSA...Norah Fairchild...my knees...MY KNEES!"
Steede groans as he pulls open the door and slips away into the hallway.
"Steede is gone..." Norah whimpers. "I can't chase him! Oh My! He is off to see my sister Mysty...I am sure of that. Then they will both call the police. What have I done...what ever have I done?"
Poindexter takes her hand. "Not to worry. I have plan. Do you have a computer?"
"Problem solved." he says with a smile on his face.
Fade to black and a commercial for The Slap Chopper by the most annoying man in the Universe.