A hard lesson learned...thank you all!

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 10/7/2008 3:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Friends at HealingWell,
You have seen me through a few weeks of time, while I was seeking help for a friend facing End Stage Liver Disease, named Bruce.
Even though his life lay in the balance, his choice is alcohol. I can't change that, and so I  have to leave our friendship without him.  I wouldn't take back a minute I ever spent with him, but I don't have one more for him.  I hope you understand.  He told me he's been smoking in his bathroom, and his first wish is to go to the liquor store when he gets out.  I quit.
until next time,

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 469
   Posted 10/7/2008 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   

I know how hard decision must have been for you, but you are making the best decision for yourself. He is the only one that can choose another path to walk and unfortunately it will ultimately destroy him. You certainly are a strong individual to be able to make this decision. I commend you.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 613
   Posted 10/7/2008 7:27 PM (GMT -7)   

I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. But, you are right....if his choice is to continue to drink, there is nothing you can do about it and change that. You are making the best decision, as hard as that may be......

Hang in there!


Elite Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 12014
   Posted 10/7/2008 9:33 PM (GMT -7)   

WriteLeft, it's a shame that your friend is unwilling to stop smoking and drinking for the sake of his health and his very life.  I totally understand your decision, though.  I had to do the same thing with my own mother.  However, if Bruce ever decides that he is ready to get help for his alcoholism, I hope you will be there if he asks for your assistance.  He has to hit a "bottom" first, though.

I hope we've been of some help to you in dealing with your friend's illness.  Please come back anytime.

"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 202
   Posted 10/7/2008 11:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi WriteLeft,

It is good that you have a clear path in your mind and the strength to follow it. You already know this, but please make sure that you have your support arranged for the inevitable second-guessing and self-doubts. You know that there are many experienced souls here that you can bounce feelings with. Or other supportive persons in your personal circle.

My brother was an artist so in my experience, I've noticed that a) you artists don't think like most of us, and b) many either find catharsis or attempt to bury certain tough feelings. I hope that you find a good way to deal with our universal human trait of self consideration.

It takes a good and caring friend to try to save a hopeless friend. Thanks for trying.

Be well, John
I have to get up the creek! Now where's that paddle?
Mind-fogged again.

New Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 10/8/2008 12:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Once again, you are so right! Of course I am still deeply invested in my friendship with Bruce. Today has been full of conflict, and resolve-over and over again. I put myself to good use by scrubbing the hell out my kitchen floor. I have the urge to feel stupid for trying, countered by the "guarantees" of good kharma. It is not so easy to let go.

about the artists "not thinking like most of us", I'm not sure...but I will say the angels think much like you!

Glad for your friendships..
until next time,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 954
   Posted 10/8/2008 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Writeleft, Don't beat yourself up over your decision. There is nothing you can do for Bruce now. It is all up to him now. I have a sister-in-law that is an alcoholic. My husband and I have helped her many times over the years. She has gotten really bad. The last time she showed up we told her that we couldn't help her this time. That the ball was in her court. I was sad when we sent her away, but I couldn't put myself or my family through the abuse again. We have had enough of that in our life time. The only thing I can do for her now is pray. So thats what I do. That's what you can do for Bruce also. Put it in Gods hands.
There is always hope!

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