I saw that I posted here on the 12th. Yesterday, Christmas Day, my husband died.
We finally had an appointment at MCV in Richmond last Friday, and were finally getting an appointment set for January for the evaluation for a liver transplant. The doctor told us if he were put on the transplant list, his condition was so severe that he'd be moved to the top of the list. We were so happy! Happy that it was finally going to happen, but I was upset that they didn't do the evaluation when he was there in Oct.
I picked him up at dialysis on Wednesday, and we ended up having to stay for 2 hours, hoping his blood pressure would at least get up to 80, so we could leave. I had to take him to the van in the wheel chair, but when we got home, he walked into the house on his own steam. He went to bed, didn't watch tv, just tried to sleep. about 7pm, he asked for the oxygen, and about an hour later said it wasn't helping, so I called the ambulance. We got to the ER and they were pouring everything in him to get his blood pressure up. One time I saw it was 46-14. His sugar was dropping, which had never been a problem before. He started breaking out in a rash that so rapidly turned into a dark purple raised rash that was all over his abdomen and wrapped around his back. A surgeon was called down to check to see if maybe it was MRSA. He was in the ER for about 4 hours as they were trying to get him stable enough to send to ICU. His heart stopped! It took them 12 minutes to get a heartbeat again, and they put him on a ventilator and sent him to ICU. I counted 9 bags of meds they were putting into him. His pupils were fixed and dilated. They told me it was "touch and go and it didn't look good." They expected his heart to stop again, and it did at about 9:15am. We were told in November to NOT sign a DNR, because he may get sick enough to be on a respirator to get him to a transplant. When they were trying again to get his heart beating, I quickly talked to 4 doctors, and they all agreed that he wouldn't get a transplant. I had them stop the compressions. The doctors told me I did the right thing. I'm now second guessing my decision. Maybe by some miracle he would have come back, or maybe I'm just being selfish and wanting my husband back. I would have been happy to take care of him till the day I died. I can't help feeling like I've let him down.