My mom died at home as she wished. This was 5 years ago this JUly, although it was for other reasons, COPD, Emphysema, heart failure etc etc. I live in Nevada and my mom lived in So Calif at the time. My dad called on July 3rd and said the hospital was sending her home to die and those were her wishes too. I immediately jumped on a plane and went to her. I did not realize my mom was as bad as she was, but that is besides the point. Anyways, I agree with Connie about the hospital bed. When I got there, my mom was in her cozy bed, where she really wanted to be. But it was so dark, small and out of the "living area". I told my dad we should get a hospital bed and put it right in the middle of the"TV" room in front of the big window. Actually it was a sliding glass door. This way she could have light or dark and fresh air and when she did open her eyes and was aware of things, she would see me or my dad or someone else she loved sitting with her. The hospice people when they came with the hospital bed, set it up , put her in it and then left so I know what you mean about not knowing whats what. She had tons of medication and liquid oxycodene for pain. When hospice nurses showed up, they showed me everything and said just give her the pain meds and keep her as comfy aspossible. The doctors said 24-72 hours to live. Well she lived for another 26 days. She lived for her grandaughters birthday (my daughter) got to see her son and hold him (to which it did not seem like sheknew, but I know she did, and also her next birthday and then passed a few day later. I cried and cried when I spent time with her. I apologized for being such a brat growing up time and time again, I talked and talked and talked and told her how much I loved her all the time. Most of the time it did not seem like she didn't hear me but there were a couple of occasions where she squeezed my hand just a little and broke a tiny smile. She opened her eyes right before she passed and I SAW HER take her last breath. After when they came and took the bed out, it was really hard to look at where her bed had been but knew in my heart it was "OK". As far as her room, I slept in her bed for a couple days and my dad did not touch anything for quite a while but just knowing she is in a better place is very reassuring.
Lik the others, I sat outside when others came by, walked around, cried, prayed all the time to help. Losing a mom, or a parent, is very hard and sometimes traumatizing of sorts. I lost my dad too to cancer and I was by his side too but at the hospital You slowly but surely get back to normal and I still cry and my dad does too. IT"S OK
Let us know if we can help with anything and God Bless you for being such a WONDERFUL daughter
Karen in Nevada