oh worried girl , you have to slow down a bit, the advice is right about taking a step backwards. i have lost count of the times i have said i hated my mum, for what she did to me , her partner, my kids and her own mother. right now i am so occupied with my gran being very sick that i have to put my mum at the back of my mind. the disease makes them self centred, selfish, bad tempered, unreasonable, short tempered but their disease also makes us hard to live with, anxious, on edge, at times i think i won't cry or she will never upset me like that but it a;ways happens again. get all your frustrations out you will feel much better. i dont think your mum realises how much she upsets you, you have all this pain inside you that sometimes you are able to deal with but sometimes not. this disease has made me very bitter, i see a lot of my feeling in what you write. i think no matter how your mum treats you its only human instict to crave for her love.
my mumrefuses to accept how ill she is, you cant give advice because then you a know it all. she is getting to the stage she cantcope with her finances, she keeps her business well guarded, does notwant you to know anything. but when debt letters and things come in she puts them away in the drawer, she cant face up to not being able to cope.
deep down your mum loves you,she needs you but hates having to admit it. one thing i have done with my mumlately is i have told her i am not going to take her shouting at me , i dont deserve to be treated like that and i will not accept it.i did for years and it wears you down. she thinks i am a child that should behave herself and not overdramatise. pull your self together, she would say to me as i watched her ill crawling up the stairs, trousers sliding to her knees being incontinent. me a big child at 44.
so please do not be too hard on yourself, give yourself credit when its due. if you find yourself getting too anxious upset at things, do take a step backwards, take a little time for yourself, give yourself time to recharge your batteries. you can only do your best,but you will make yourself ill, if you allow her to upset you like that. you have done so well so far,yo have been there for her, you are a good daughter,your mum knows that, even though she might not show it. i should take my own advice sometimes.