hospital again

It has been around 6 weeks since my grans funeral. Since then I have tried to take a back seat from my mum, only because there was a massive fight with her partner. There has been some peace in my life lately. I no longer have to worry about him criticising me, but yet again she has had another fall. I am going in to see her as she has to go in for an operation to repair a broken hip,i am frightened for her as she has been through a lot and I am not sure she is strong enough go through this. When she has been in before they have refused operations because it was too risky, but they want to put her through this. when I phoned her partner, again he swore he wanted nothing more to do with her as he was fed up with it all. I wont phone him again. \he refuses to face up to the fact that she is not safe in the house and repeatedly takes her back home. she is only out the hospital three weeks after falling and splitting her head and face open. I am next of kin but i am frightened of going against his wishes as he has been her partner for many years. \

So I am getting ready to go to hospital then into work. Is an operation dangerous for her???

Allie, I agree with WG.  Since he is not her husband and you are her daughter, I suggest you see an attorney about getting Power of Attorney and Health Care Surrogacy.  The Surrogacy would put you in the position to make medical decisions for her.  You could also have access to all her medical records, get info from doctors, etc.

Any invasive procedure carries risks.  If there is a chronic health problem, it increases the risk.  However, I've had 5 hip surgeries (bilateral replacements and 3 revisions) since being diagnosed with hep C.  One of the revisions I had was with cancer.  Your mom will not be able to walk without horrendous pain if she has an unrepaired broken hip, and her risk of falling also increases...even if she hasn't been drinking.  So for these reasons, the hip repair is necessary.  Otherwise, she will be in pain and wheelchair bound.  Depending on the severity of the break, they may be replacing the femoral head.  Just make sure she has a really good orthopedic surgeon.  Ask what they will do for post-op pain relief.  It is a very painful surgery, but Mayo has new techniques for pain management that made the 2 revisions I had there much less painful than surgeries I had at Shands.  She should go to an inpatient rehab facility when the hospital is ready to discharge her.  They can make those arrangements.  She will need to learn to walk again and to regain strength and flexibility.  I'm still doing my PT exercises at home 4-5 x a week, 3 1/2 mos. after my last hip surgery.

If you have any questions, you can e-mail me.  I do have a lot of knowledge of hip surgery, having been through it so many times.

Hugs,

Connie

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hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis

"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Thanks Connie, your email helped me a lot. It sounds very daunting the whole operationa and recovery. that is one thing, b ut the part about drinking is another matter. she will not stop.
doctors said yesterday she was not fit for surgery, i really thought that would be the case as her blood is low in platelets and doeas not clot so good. nurses told me before that not having the operation was not an option,but they are going to give her blood transfusions and test her blood again. so she is still lying there in pain. i will get to see her tonight. she has put herself through that much, i am so worried for her future.doctors say she might never be fit enough. does this mean they are frightened they cannot stop the bleeding or is it more than that?
although i now do not have my gran to worry over i feel i have to be careful. sorry i am going to sound really selfish here, but this was one of my worst nightmares. I cannot have her stay with me and i also cannot be there all the time, my family have went through enough in the past and i know i have to think of myself. i will be there for her if she needs me but i cannot be her carer. God i sound terrible,bad was going to happen i have warned her that something bad could happen to her. she could end up in a home at 62. i know she will refuse any care but i know i might have to be strong. have I got the strength, I do not know.
through her alcholism i have lost my mum. for the last ten years at least she has drank heavily, and it has ruined any kind of relationship. i still crave for the mother i had without the drink. my kids have lost their grandmother , if i thought she would stop drinking i would encourage her to sell her house to move near me,i could go in to see her a lot more, we could resalvage our relationship as she has nothing where she stays she has lost all her friends and maybe her partner. just got to take it one day at a time.

I agree with WG.  It is in her best interest to go to a nursing home.  If they DO operate, she will need to go to rehab for a couple of weeks, anyway.  It's a 3-5 hour surgery, so the clotting factor is very important.  But they also may feel that she won't comply with post-surgical instructions.  For example, she cannot bear full weight for 6 wks. or more.  Once she is back home and starts to drink, she may feel that she can walk or go out to get a bottle or whatever...and fall and undo what they've done.  OTOH, if they don't operate, she will be in unending pain and unable to walk at all.  It's a tough situation.

Hugs,

Connie

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hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis

"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Allie, they usually place a drain for a couple of days.  She also should have a catheter.  She CANNOT get out of bed and walk.  They will try to get her up tomorrow to sit in a chair and maybe to stand with the walker.  It is a slow process.  You do need to get ahold of the doctor and let him know her situation.

At any rate, I'm glad she got through surgery okay.

Hugs,

Connie

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hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis

"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

WG, again I agree...but would say rehab and then NH.  Rehab will help her become as independent as possible and more mobile and steady on her feet to prevent falling.  Of course. by then she may not be eligible for a NH.

I think it's very important, Allie, to let the doctor know that the partner will try to snow him and tell him (and other medical staff) not to worry, that he will take care of your mom...but you know he can't handle it.  That's how she got in this predicament, along with the drinking problem.

Hugs,

Connie

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hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis

"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Allie, please don't take others' failings upon yourself.  I know you have done everything you can for your mom.  You have nothing to feel guilty about.  And teenagers--well, you do almost wish you could sleep through until they get grown. 

Surgeons usually do surgery in the morning and have office visits in the afternoon.  If you can't catch him at the hospital, perhaps you can set up a meeting at his office.  But it's up to you if you want to pursue this.  I can well understand how you are sick of the whole business.

Hugs,

Connie

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hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis

"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Allie, that means they replaced the femoral head, but not part of the femur.  Nevertheless, she will have mobility problems for awhile.  Do they have her walking with a walker yet?  I don't blame you for stepping back.  You have to take care of yourself and your family first and foremost.  She is putting on a show because she wants to get the heck out of there.  A smart and experienced physical therapist will be able to detect the disconnect between what she says and what she is capable of.  What did your mom mean by "her detox was being arranged?"  Is she going to a detox facility or being put on medication or what?

We all have our limits and you may have reached yours.  Unfortunately, not everyone wants to be helped.

Big hugs,

Connie

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hep93
Forum moderator - Hepatitis

"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Allie - I am sorry you are having a tough time right now.  I cannot begin to tell you what to do.  I am glad your daughter is backing down a bit.  It is hard being a 13 year old and hard being a mom to a 13 year old.  You have 2 people you love very much and feel responsible for and no one is cooperating!!  I know you are doing it out of love and for their benefit but it seems they don't or can't appreciate it right now.   You have to take care of yourself mentally and physically.  Read, pray, talk, shop, eat chocolate, get your nails done or do SOMETHING for yourself.  Just one little thing for you to help you regroup, energize.   Take your mind off of the situation for a minute to give yourself a break and then you can come back to it and maybe have a better idea of what to do.  Maybe you won't be able to do anything but sometimes that is all you can do. 

I hear all the love you have for your mom so I know you are not a "bad" daughter.  I have lived with an alcoholic parent and husband in my life and I know that can make you doubt yourself and your worth. 

anyway- I didn't say all this very well.  It is hard to put into words sometimes.

Do take care of yourself.

Hugs,

cheryl

Chocolate and some me time the perfect combination. My head has been so fuzzy lately, you really have to step back to see clearly.

i tried a diary a few years ago, but it did not work, maybe now she is older it might be a better idea,

THANKS.....