hey im sorry it has been so long since i been on. i have been so busy and life is hectic. its a different sort of hectic than before, as now i dont have to worry bout doctors and appointments or anything(i would do it again in heartbeat if it meant having my mom). the pain of losing my mom is lessening slightly but the missing her is as strong as ever. i will sometimes pull up my phone contact list to look at her number, or get the sudden urge to call and pick up the phone to do so but then i remember that i cant call heaven(Lol). i recently celebrated her birthday without her but i did sing to her urn(stupid eh). i feel so much better now that i have some of her remains with me but now im waiting on social security. i signed everything necessary now just waiting on the hearing.
HCAP covered 25 grand at one hospital and now i am waiting for them to cover them at the last hospital so from her social security will hopefully not have to pay any doctor bills with it. i am actually hearing more from my sister now that mom has died, funny how that works out but i am not complaining. i am no longer worried bout the guilt i know i did everything i could to help her. as dtm said though its hard knowing there is nothing you can do to fix your loved ones.
the main reason i am writing is for the caretakers of this disease and to say hi to all my friends. for the caretakers: this disease is a horrible disease but it also teaches you alot. listen for what it is trying to say. enjoy life to the fullest. dont let it over run your life. dont take anything for granted. tell your loved ones you love them. hug them and kiss them. try to let them know how you feel. if you are stressed out take a walk or a break. dance and laugh as much as you can. do your research on the disease and you can control the disease slightly(if it wasnt for this site my mom would have died a year ago cause her bloodwork was so bad but because of the advice from here i was able to get the doctors to give her the right meds). never give up and fight for what you believe in.
for the kids of alcoholics or addicts. that is not your fault. you didnt put them in the situation. dont let anyone put you down because you stick by them despite the addiction. do what is right. alcoholism is a disease in itself. no one knows what the kids of alcoholic parents go through unless they been through it themselves. know you cant fix them they have to want to get clean or have the willpower. sometimes they want to quit but dont know how. i know we blame ourselves but we cant do that. dont let it make you lose your esteem rise above and fight that feeling. it is not your fault. if you guys need anything i am never far away.