I think I have posted here before, but it hasn't been for a year or so. about four years ago, my mother (now 80) was diagnosed with cirrhosis after an episode of esophagal bleeding. We almost lost her, but after she came home from the hospital she seemed almost her old self and did really well for three years. Then in March of 2009, she had a long spell of flu-like sickness, and she has been going slowly downhill ever since. She spent five weeks in hospital last fall after developing pulmonary edema and ascites, but they were able to bring that under control with diet and water pills and she came home again. This year, her mobility has been declining steadily and she is now back in hospital after her knees gave out on her and she couldn't walk anymore. She has been in hospital 2 1/2 weeks now, and we are having to arrnage to move her to a nursing home because she can no longer cope at home with only my 85-year-old father to care for her. She has lost weight at an alarming rate over the past year. Her arms and legs are like sticks. The ascites has come back, although it's not unmanageable.
I'm wondering if she'll even live long enough to make it to the nursing home. She's hardly eating anything in the hospital, says she feels sick most of the time, and mostly just wants to stay in bed and sleep. She has up and down days -- yesterday she was quite good. She was up in her wheelchair and quite chatty and cheerful. Today, she's flat on her back in bed, hasn't eaten anything, and didn't even want me to stay and visit with her. When they checked her liver levels a couple of weeks ago, they didn't find anything alarming, so the only medication they are giving her is water pills.
This is such an emotional roller coaster for our family. One day we think she's improving and turning around; the next day she seems on the verge of death. No one can give us any answers about how long she might have. It's almost impossible to get to talk to a doctor and then they act very evasive. The fact that they aren't considering palliative care seems to indicate that they think she has some more time, but these feelings of tiredness and sickness are worrying us. She wasn't like that before her fall -- she occasionally had days when she was feeling off color, but got up and got dressed every day, was eating well and enjoying her meals. This sickness and extreme fatigue has only started since she went into hospital.
I'm feeling so worn out. There are days I almost just wish it was all over, so that I could be free of all this anxiety and worry.
Thanks for letting me vent.