Hi I am feeling really low tonight.
my mum has been hitting the drink really bad this week, it was her birthday on Tuesday went to see her. she was fine when her partner was in but as soon as he left she was chasing me away, thanks for the visit I am sure you have loads to do, i need to get on with things...you know what i mean...she was itching for a drink, we had just left and she phoned a taxi went out for her usual bottle. its amazing that she manages to have the strength to do that as she lies about all day every day. I left feeling bad, I am trying not to take it personal, she seems to accept help from neighbours yet keeps me at arms length, but everyone is so amazing i am left feeling inadequate. she has got a habit of making me feel really bad and worthless. she always acts as if she can't wait to get rid of me. she was really drunk yesterday, swearing at her partner trying to throw him out etc. she has had the addictions team visit her, she only called them to keep her partner happy. she is drunk when they visit she claims she has not been drinkin again you know the usual... they had arranged for her to go to hospital for detox, she was too sick to go to rehab, so she was to be admitted. up until this morning she says she was not going, but he manged to get her there. not telling her she would be there for at least six weeks. today she was having seizzuires so they are monitering her. but i feel what the point, and i feel really guilty in doing so. she has went 13 weeks when in hospital without a drink, still went back to it. he used emotional blackmail to get her there, so i do not think it will work. i am so bad for thinking that i should be encouraging her, but our relationship is very strained, she does not know me, i feel numb towards her now.I fell a duty towards her i love her, but i am so fed up with the same scenario, i know this will give her partner peace for a while, but i am not looking forward to visiting her, i do not know what to say to her, so how can i be of use to her.i know i would feel different if she had wanted this even though she would be scared but i think she is doing it to keep the peace. i really do not know if she will stay there or not, i do not know how to get through this. she only has two visitors which includes me so i need to visit. i should be happy that she is in detox...sorry for the whining tonight...i fell i need to get this out hope thats ok