Hubby has been at a medical centre since 8th February. He was undergoing assessment for transplant. He was denied this on 26th February. They thought he might be able to be reassessed in 30 days after undergoing counselling for drug and alcohol abuse (he has not had a drink since June 2010) and also he has to give up smoking. There is no guarantee of course, that after the counselling he will be put on the list. His MELD score when he arrived in the city was 32, now it is 19.
He has now started using patches and has not smoked for a few days. A counsellor visited him in hospital, and will start him on a 12 week program, commencing next week. This now sounds like a three month not one month counselling experience. It appears this type of counselling is not being conducted in country centres.
My problem is that we live 40 mins by plane from the hospital and city where the counselling needs to take place. I work from home in my own business, and need to be earning quite a lot to pay off the many loans, credit cards, business expenses, etc etc. Certainly more than any social security will pay. I don’t know how I can move away, when I have so much to lose in terms of keeping things going.
Hubby quit his job in June, when he quit drinking. I have been struggling ever since, but managing to keep all the balls in the air, including the numerous appointments, medications for him etc etc. I just feel like they are about to start coming down.
I have made enquiries about supported residential facilities (I guess this is a bit like your ‘hospice’ but am not sure) where he could be looked after with others (so he would not be alone). I would know he is receiving his four hourly med’s and that he was receiving the no added salt, 99gms of protein a day in meals etc. He would also be looked after by nursing staff. It seems very competent and, to me, a great solution. I could come and visit, and ‘break him out’ for a couple of days here and there to stay in other accommodation.
On the other hand, he is considering staying with his sister (a nurse) who works 10 hours shifts and has a husband and uni student child at home with her. Their relationship has been poor over the last couple of years, but I think he is considering it because it would cost less. I am reluctant to consider this as an option, as I think he will be on his own too much, and don’t know that he would be getting the med’s and meals he needs.
I am home at the moment, and he is still in hospital. The social worker is looking into the supported care for me. John has some money in his own right, but is quite tight with it. He used to give me a little each week to assist with the household bills, shopping etc.
I have been to see him three times for four days at a time over the last three weeks - this is the first week I will not be going to visit him. It has cost me a lot.
Should I just leave this decision to him, and for him to pay for?? How have you coped with distance and money when someone you love has had to move to receive the treatment they need? Has anyone been in this situation?