It's called disconnecting with love. You most definitely need help of some kind, Kriland. Consider your options...write them down. And do NOT feel guilty for any thoughts you have or steps you take. It is he who should feel guilty for putting you in this situation. But he is not of sound mind right now...and you won't be unless you get some help.
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland