"If he could just 'wake up' and take responsilibilty for the things he has done, just actually aknowledge them,"
Val, that takes time...it comes with attending AA. When he has a spiritual awakening, he will learn to take responsibility for hurting others and things he has done. But it comes gradually. After a few months in AA, he should start to really hear what people are sharing...to have empathy for them. Because, trust me, an alcoholic is thinking about
nothing but himself. It's a disease of selfishness. As he really starts to hear others and empathize with them, and through working the 12 steps, he will recognize how his selfish behavior has hurt the people he loves. In the 4th Step, he will make a list of all persons he has harmed and be WILLING to make amends to them all. Actually making amends doesn't come until the 9th step. It's a process. AA tells us we should spend as much time on our sobriety as we did drinking...which, for a daily drinker, means 7 days a week. I never made more than 6 meetings a week, sometimes in the beginning doing 2 a day on Sat.) but on the 7th day I was certainly reading the Big Book and reading my meditations. He needs to get a sponsor and a "Big Book," the common name for the book Alcoholics Anonymous, which tells How It Works, gives background on Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob who founded AA, as well as focusing on the Steps. The back of the book includes stories of various alcoholics--what happened, what it was like, and how they came to a new way of being and living. He will surely find his own story there...or hear someone at a Speaker Meeting that sounds like they are telling his own story. I experienced both of those.
I suggest Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics for you (my mother was a life-long alcoholic and it affected me deeply.) I also got a lot out of Codependents Anonymous meetings.
Forum moderator - Hepatitis
"But that was yesterday, and I was a different person then."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Post Edited (hep93) : 5/21/2011 12:05:25 AM (GMT-6)