I think about
the last time he was in a detox facility and I had great guilt that I took him there.I forced him to ask for help.It was the only way I would answer my door to him.He had his first bout of HE and I feared he would never come back to us.I fear again that if he stops feeding his body the mess that is killing him it will cause many problems and quickly.This is why I think he would die sooner without a drink.I have even convinced myself that if he would just moderate his drink maybe he could stay alive longer.His belly is getting that tight swollen look.He has been hospitalized just recently with his varices bleeding .There was blood in his stools and they prescribed beta blockers and increased his propanilol.I know it is just a matter of time before this gets worse.He doesn't take his lactulose or his beta blockers.And he takes his propanilol only when he feels his blood pressure is high.I know he is not eating well.What few dollars he may get I am sure he buys beer instead.It is just a matter of time before it all comes tumbling down.
It is hard to see him homeless,worry about if he is still alive,hungry,dirty,but worse of all knowing I will lose him soon.And then it will hit me ,I should have,could have,why didn't I.I just pray and pray and pray somemore.
Love and Prayers and Many heartfelt Thanks to You All!!