I am so sorry you feel guilty for having to work and not being able to be with your hubby while he is so sick. I totally understand that feeling and it really tears one apart, I know. I was in much the same situation in that I took care of my hubby for a long time and just expended all our resources...and HAD to go back to work and leave him home alone while I worked. He only lived 1 1/2 months after I went back to work. It broke my heart...and I still feel that if I could have stayed home and taken care of him, he would still be alive. So,,,yes I truly understand the guilt thing.
But...If we can't keep a roof over both our heads, and food on the table and gas in the car, we can't go on either...and one of you has to do it and he can't. SO...that is your role in the mix right now. If he is in the hospital, he is well cared for. You go ahead and do what you need to do for both of you...work and see him when you can. (I know this is so very hard...been there and it is hard to work when all you want to do is go be with them.) If the shoe were on the other foot, and he was the one having to go to work, and you in the hospital, you would understand and appreciate that he was working to help you both.
But I so understand how much you want to be there, advocate for him, encourage him and comfort him. If you can set aside the guilt, it will be easier to do all those when you are with him.
Throughout your and his life together, there were probably many times each of you HAD to go and work when you would have rather been with each other..but you both did what you had to do. It is the same now....I know it doesn't feel that way. I am thinking of you and your man today ... and will send you strength. This is a really tough path for a couple to walk...and only the strongest hold it together. He probably knew you were a strong person when he choose you as a partner...and now you need to be strong for him, and that includes working, without the guilt ... so when you are with him you are with him 100%, not riddled with guilt. So please, get a Mason jar (or whatever closed container you like), write down what you feel guilty for, stick it in there, put a lid on it and let that jar be the spot to put your guilt as the two of you fight this disease. (Just an idea)
Take care, lovely caregiver. Chin up...Find the "Good thing for the Day" to take back and share with him. A hawk you saw....a dollar bill you found on the street...etc
Best to you. I have to get ready for work.
Post Edited By Moderator (hep93) : 6/27/2013 11:38:08 AM (GMT-6)