Posted 8/7/2006 9:09 PM (GMT -7)
I had a problem similar to yours. I did not have insurance because I found out I was sick with acute Hep C during the last year of college with no job prospects and a 3 year old son and no insurance. I made contact with an old friend, who had gotten his life together and we started dating. I never lied to him, they told me I had a year to live. I had no family there for me, they acted like I was hypercontagious and like HepC was airborne or something. They wouldn't visit me at all till way after tx. This friend offered to marry me and take care of my son. Unfortunately, by the time all this happened, my immune system had been extremely damaged and I had diabetes (hypoglycemia) from the Hep C and no one knew. I had terrible problems on interferon and went psycho, I developed severe anxiety and anger, screaming and crying, and just going nuts, and I developed severe allergies to any psych drugs they tried to give me and they tried them all. Eventually I got so sick he just felt sorry for me, and I accepted that. It was better than fighting. We went to counseling but the counseler couldn't deal with us. My psychologist saved me, she had terminal cancer (unbeknownest to me) and she helped me keep the medicine effects separate from myself, although the docs act like you're just injecting water and any side effects are some separate unrelated mental illness you always had. At one point, everyone abandoned me, or I drove them away. I kept it together in front of my son, he was the bright spot, but it must have been really hard for him. I was also in excruciating pain during the whole thing. My now exhusband learned to understand that it was just the medication, though my own family would have nothing to do with me or pick fights with me. They had no idea how to talk to me or what I was going through. I didn't know how I was coming off to people, I thought I was normal and they were all just being really insensitive, and maybe they were. They just cannot understand. Later in life I was able to help my grandmother through her chemotherapy by reassuring her that it was just the drugs messing with her, she was ok. She told me she would never forget what I did for her, that I really helped her by simply being on her side. There shouldnt be sides. I think if I had that kind of reassurance, I could have done better. The bottom line is that you do what you want to in terms of your relationship. Life is too short for regrets. If you can try to explain to her how you feel, I felt like ripping my guts out I felt like my body was full of creepy insects or crawly things. Also, my symptoms were bad because of other problems. My diabetes and autoimmune problems made things really bad and so many doctors won't do the testing but just give you mind altering drugs which your liver may have trouble processing and don't as expected, but may make things worse. If my doc would've tested my insulin, done a GTT, tested my ANA and thyroid for antithyroid antibodies, my experience would have been totally different and I'm sure my moods would've been much less severe. Nowadays, I guess they can alter the dose or something too. back in the day they wouldn't. I hope this helps. I wish you the best. It's never good to end on a bad note and I hope that she is openminded enough to realize that she can't possibly know how difficult it is and that you may find a way to at least maybe be friends and be there for each other if you want that. Connie is right, stress reduction is best and relationships can be exhausting, but in my case, if it weren't for my exhusband, I'd probably be dead. I don't know your feelings only you do. Sorry this is so long. I hope it helps. Sometimes its less stress to be in a bad relationship than to be completely alone. Maybe you are in pain, I developed severe arthritis and other problems that put me in excruciating pain and went through tx on stadol nasal spray. I'll never forget what my friend did for my son and me and I really wish I could've made things easier for him. He made a huge sacrifice for several years of his life for me. She may be afraid of catching HepC, she may be afraid of being hurt, and so she seems insensitive. You may be feeling the same. Right there, you have common ground. Being on interferon is like being on an acid trip I think. Reality is not what it seems. You two should be fighting together at the disease, the disease is the problem, the drugs can be a problem, even your girl might be a problem. You cant count on these things to change, how you handle them can.
Marji --Evoxac, Plaquenil, HCTZ, Glucophage, Klonopin, Ultram, Robaxin...
"...brain, what is brain?"
--Kara, one of the "givers of pain and delight", aka woman of Sigma Draconis VI, "Spock's Brain" episode 56 season 3 of Star Trek