pati, the guilt had gotten to me too,,,,rick had said the exact same thing to me, about
leaving a dying man,,,,,,,and that held me here for a while,,,,but i could no longer deal with him making me sick,,,,,,,,what he did to me emotionally was making me physically ill,and that is not something i am willing to continue to let happen. of course, you have to make your own decisions,and they are NOT at all easy to make. i think that if it was just the illness doing things to rick, i wouldve stuck it out, but the anger and bitterness towards me was him not being able to deal with the life he has been dealt,,and that i could not let affect me anymore. rick blames everyone who is not sick,,,,hates them for NOT being ill,,,,,,,,,and whatever happens to him at this point will be on his head, not mine. I actually got a letter from him from jail yesterday, asking me to please come and get him friday when he is released, I already have someone going to get him and I will NOT be there when he gets out,,,,the strings are cut. i have already made up my mind that he may call me if he needs something ,such as paperwork, that i have,,,but if he bothers me in any way,,i will have my number changed,,,,this part of my life is over,,,,i do feel bad that he is sick,but i have watched many people with illnesses who do not blame others ,,and appreciate the help that they get from those who care for them,,,,,,one thing that i keep thinking in my head is ,,:though rick more than likely will pass away before i do, NO one knows that for sure,and in the meantime, my life is slipping away too,,,,,,,,i could be killed today and had i let rick continue to mentally abuse me,,,,,,,i would die miserable,,,,,,,,,,NOT a chance i am going to take,,,,,,pati, want me to kidnap ya? lol im joking,sorry, thats how i deal with alot of things,,,,,,humor,,,,,,,it heals and heals and heals,,,,,keep your head up and do some serious soul searching,,,,take care of yourself and remember,,,,,,,,if you dont take care of yourself, you will be no good to him or ANYONE,,,,,,,especially to yourself,,,,,,,,,:huge hugs:
Moderator for Hepatitis Forum
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,but rather to skid in sideways,chocolate in one hand,wine in the other,body used up ,totally worn out and screaming"WOOOOHOO WHAT A RIDE!!!"
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance:)