For those of you who have suffered a loss and are still grieving, I send big hugs--but be glad that you had what you did, especially in terms of parents. I never knew my father, except through letters and occasional phone calls after I turned 21. Then, while in my late 20s, he killed himself. I think I am still grieving that loss some, 40 years later. My mother was a bitter alcoholic who never had a good word to say about anyone, including me. Needless to say, we were never close. In fact, for my own sanity, I had to cut her out of my life when I was in my late 30s. I found out last year that she had died the previous year, at age 82. I felt sad for what we never had, but that's it.
Having risen above a childhood of loneliness and despair, I now find myself grieving for a relationship that endured 13 years, but recently ended. He told me less than 2 weeks ago that he had "met someone." He comes from a large family and the holidays were always so much fun for me with them. I was finally able to fill that empty place where family love and laughter should dwell. Now, due to surgery, I have not been able to do much--sent gift cards to my daughter and teen granddaughter (who live in another county, don't drive, and with whom I'm usually at odds), and I have a little 2-ft. artificial tree instead of a 7-ft. live one. I'm not up to baking cookies or doing much of a physical nature. I don't expect to go anywhere or see anyone on Christmas Eve or Day. I am trying to be grateful for the friend who will bring me a plate of food on Christmas Eve, from her family get-together; for an elderly aunt who is more of a mother to me than mine ever was, though she lives in another city; for having beat liver cancer this year--and gratitude for basic needs fulfilled: A roof over my head and food in the fridge and cupboards. So many do not have these basics. And though the loss of the relationship hurts (it couldn't survive my illnesses and surgeries), I am grateful for all the good times we had. And I'm looking forward to TV performances by two of my favorite singers on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!
Hugs to all,