Poor thing! I'm sorry to say this, but it's not just male doctors but MOST doctors who treat IBS patients with this lack of understanding and compassion. You will find that almost everyone on this board has experienced this at one time or another. It may be the worst part of dealing with IBS - the medical community doesn't seem to have any "answers" and tends to "blame" the patient.
Some things you've been told are true. Chronics laxative use CAN lead to compromised bowel function but usually that does not occur for many, many years. When I was in my late teens and early 20's (that's 30 years ago!), I could not have a BM without using either a laxative or suppository. However, once I got myself "unhooked" from daily laxative use, I was able to have some restoration of normal bowel function. There are ways to deal with chronic C that do not entail surgery.
I've found naturopathic medicine to be a helpful compliment to all that I do through conventional means. You might want to check into seeing a naturopathic doctor who will take the time to thoroughly discuss and investigate your unique case. Surgery and drastic measures are never a possible outcome with naturopathic medicine and since they consider the digestive system to be the primary factor involved in most health conditions, they have studied it more intensely than most physicians.
While I know this is difficult, you have to try not to take personally the comments you read in your files. I would strongly encourage you to find another doctor as it is clear you will not receive the kind of attention and help you require from those who consider you "at fault" for your condition.
If you are currently dealing with chronic C, there are new drugs available that many have found helpful. There are dietary approaches you can take that will help and a nutritionist can steer you in that direction. Simple adjustments like increasing your water intake and even moderate exercise can help stimulate bowel activity.
I think you are wise to rebuff their agressive tactics regarding surgery. Move on and find yourself a "team" of docs who will take your case seriously and work with you to find some answers.