Gutsy! I love that! Yes, please do call me Gutsy!
Thanks for that beautiful post Sarita. I am actually quite blessed and grateful that my son and daughter-in-law (whom I ADORE) are waiting until next year to wed. I am doing the wedding cake so I do have to be here well before the event. Otherwise, I suspect the gal has been planning this wedding in her head and heart for at least the last eight years while waiting patiently for my silly son to make her his wife! Most likely, my role would be pretty minor but I feel sure she will need me here for moral support. BUT, one thing at a time. Right now, mom and dad require the immediate attention. I want to be there with them before they decompensate to the point where they no longer know who I am. That may be years away or it could be imminent. Best not to wait and find our but rather carpe diem!
What I have found so interesting in the last week is the connection between my heart, emotions, soul and gut. Each time I looked at kitty in the last few days, and saw her stumble on her frail hind legs, or watched her stare at her water bowl without being able to drink the water, I would feel the pain and emotion IN MY GUT - literally! It was a physical pulling and tugging in the bowels and was completely connected to the lurching in my heart and the fearful thoughts in my head. In a homily one Sunday in Church the priest explained that the Jewish understanding of the word "compassion" meant to literally "feel with the bowels". He spoke of this in reference to the many places in the Bible where it is said that Jesus was "moved with compassion" for the sick and the poor. I never forgot that because it made so much sense that the gut should be the center of our deepest emotions. Hence the cliches like "I have a gut feeling" or "go with your gut instinct". Even now, when I think of my beloved kitty looking up at me from her blanket as we drove in the car to the vet, I can feel it in the belly. I only wish I could generate enough positive energy and thought to prod the gut to work properly! Wouldn't that be amazing!
I've known for at least three years that I would take care of mom and dad. I have a wonderful sis who lives in Florida too but she can't handle it on her own. Together, we can rise to the challenge. Many years ago, I did some hospice work for a brief time and I recognize the honor and privilige that goes with taking the journey with a loved one at the end of life. I want to be right by their side when their time comes.
Again, thanks so much for all the wonderful and compassionate feedback. I do feel much better tonight and I am going to attempt to sleep in my bed. The couch has crippled me the last two days!