Our Family Dealing With Our IBS

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Aunt Issy
New Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 6/19/2008 7:48 AM (GMT -7)   
My husband is driving me nuts! He knows ever since I got pregnant, that my IBS is way out of control. However, he still expects me to have a wonderful sex life with him. Why can't he understand? I don't exactly feel very sexy when I am constantly pooping my guts out!!!!! Does anyone else have any troubles with their spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or family member not understanding their IBS? I am so fed up!

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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 3269
   Posted 6/19/2008 8:56 AM (GMT -7)   
(((((((Aunt Issy)))))))
I am sooooo sorry.  I have no man, nor do I have much of a sex life *sigh*, but I do understand.  At 1 point I did have both.  It's hard for people who don't have bowel troubles to understand what we're going through.  I think the most uncomfortable part is being intimate when you're bloated.  It just hurts.
Not to mention, you're pregnant!  I've never been pregnant, but I've heard that most "normal" people aren't even up for it in the beginning of the pregnancy.  So really, you have 2 strikes against you right now.  You should try explaining this to your husband.  Maybe you'll get lukcy and he'll walk away with a Playboy (or something of the like) and leave you alone.
Here's a booklet (ibs explained for people who don't have ibs) you might want to pass to hubby to help explain how you're feeling.
Good luck!

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Lady Frog
Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 139
   Posted 6/19/2008 8:58 AM (GMT -7)   
My family is actually very supportive if not a little obsessive about my IBS. They are always giving me stuff to read and to try and get my doctor to run yet even more tests( new guy has already said that he's going to have to start from scratch on the testing because of "inconsistencies" and troubling family history). They are constantly asking me when the last time I went to the GI guy was and if it's not at least once a month, since I am still have symptoms, they think I'm not going near enough. I think the only person who understands that I will never be "normal" again is my dad. He doesn't bug me about my weight like my mom, mother in law and grandmother do, he doesn't ask why I haven't tried the newest drug( I had to explain to my grandmother that I couldn't take Amitiza because I didn't have the symptoms) and even better he doesn't make me feel bad when the guts keep me from doing things with my family. Hubby is understanding too but he does get frustrated at times when he would love to take me out to eat or go to a movie. We've been together for almost four years(married one) and we have never been out to eat as a couple. Heck the closest we got to a date was a single time at mini-golf.

And I am not proud but I snapped my husband's head off the sole time he was brave enough to ask for sex while I was pregnant. Between the IBS, the morning sickness, the fact that we were getting ready to move and the uncertainty of not knowing what was wrong I nailed him in the head with a romance novel( I did apologize). He blamed it all on the hormones but I admit that it wasn't just that. It's hard to get in the mood when your in pain and spending more time voiding your bowels then you are doing any other single thing. Add the morning sickness into it and watch out! But if he complains tell him to hang on because some of us supposedly get super frisky starting in the second trimester.

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Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1956
   Posted 6/19/2008 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
This is a touchy area. My husband is very understanding but doesn't want many details. Yes he's in that normal colon camp but he sees how much trouble I go thru. So he realizes things are not normal for me. He's also my toilet "mechanic". There have been numerous times he's made Home Depot runs for parts, flush handles, etc. On one of our family's vacations the condo rental master bathroom toilet handle broke. But he rigged a pull string with a shoelace (with the tank lid off) for me to pull, so I could continue flushing. We did report it but in the meantime I wanted a bathroom (not to share with my daughters).

Anyway, he does know all I go thru but there are times he's not as understanding as I'd like him to be.

I've just basically chalked him up to that group that will never quite get it unless they have GI woes, 24/7. But at least he doesn't want details and all I have to say is - I'm having trouble tonight. We end up what I call "doing half". I'll let you figure out the rest.

One of my tricks is to suggest intimate times before dinner (especially if we're on a trip). Forget a romantic dinner, candlelight and then couple time afterwards. I am in the bathroom at that point. So I've reversed this old routine - we check in, get cuddly, possibly doze some, then get dressed for dinner. That way I can pig out (in a way, I still eat light....LOL) and not have to worry about my stomach heaving and do its own thing. Knowing what's expected of me later...

I find that if I have a string of good days, he'd better take advantage of them!

You will have good days and when you do, make sure he knows it!

Hang in there......try to see this from his point of view perhaps. I would love to say I'd be an understanding spouse, friend, relative of someone struggling as I do, if I had a normal colon. But I suspect I wouldn't be.

You really have to walk a day or a week in our shoes to "get it"......


Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 73
   Posted 6/19/2008 1:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry your husband isn't more understanding. Being pregnant is enough to put the kibosh on sex for a while, never mind the ibs. My problem with the ibs/d is the rawness in that general area. It takes a while for me to get over the *ahem* hump (sorry) and realize that it's not going to hurt even though it's in the same general area. I tend to tense up, which makes matters worse.

I'm pregnant too, and my ob's standard line is "sex is safe, if you feel like it. But if you don't, I am officially telling you *wink wink* not to do it."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 2976
   Posted 6/19/2008 2:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Treester, I don't know if you've tried it, but Cottonelle has a toliet paper with aloe in it and it's pretty much all I buy now! Never had a raw bum using it. Others also recommend baby wipes when the D is getting bad. And you might want to look into baby's bottom products to see if you can find a diaper cream or something like that that soothes your sore bottom. A little dab for baby, a little dab for mommy, LOL.

I guess I'm lucky; my bowels aren't bad too often, so it doesn't interfere with sex. Even when they were bad every day for a while, it was almost always in the morning and I was usually fine by the evenings.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 73
   Posted 6/19/2008 5:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't think we've tried the dry Cottonelle with aloe, but I do use the wet Cottonelle wipes all the time. We buy our TP at one of the warehouse stores, and we always buy "good stuff" like super ultra Charmin, or the Cottonelle in the purple pack, but I don't think I've seen the aloe one. I will look next time we go.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 2486
   Posted 6/19/2008 9:33 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm a witch hazel fan for my bum. Good stuff. Can't help you on the sex stuff because I just had my freakin' wedding and am having a dry spell myself! OY VEY.
Co-moderator - IBS Forum

Please always remember to consult your medical professional regarding your medical questions; this forum is intended to provide patient-to-patient support. Although some of us have healthcare backgrounds, we cannot diagnose or treat patients on the board.

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