I'm trying to keep my mind from going there

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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 333
   Posted 7/14/2009 7:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I basically have no social life cause of my IBS so I spend a lot of my time at home in front of the tv or computer.Sometimes watching tv depresses me cause my favorite shows to watch are reality shows it's usual shows about fabulous people with money living and enjoying life,plain and simple people enjoying thier lives to the fullest and having fun.I start getting depressed cause I wish I could live my life out like that I used to have it but it slipped away.I'm trying desperately to get it back but I hate it when my mind wonders to that place where I just daydream about when I was happy before IBS and daydream about how I wish my life to be.That really make me start feeling horrible cause I wish I could just be in that happy place in my mind I think I do this to escape from my reality that I hate lol.I want to work again,date,go out on the town but I'm unable cause of IBS,but I have faith that I will again someday.This is the battle of my life but it's made me a stronger person and has made me realize what I want so desperately out of life.I guess I need to thank God for IBS for making me a strong person able to go through crap literally.I need to start praiseing him in my darkest hour knowing that he's in control it's hard to believe that your feeling horrible.I just need him to bless me with true happiness good blessings I feel I deserve.I just want to be my old self again or find myself again and just have a **** it attitude and live my life trusting that God will take care of me.He is all I have I say he cause when I pray I call him father God he may be a she lol.He's all I have left besides my family and my dearest closes friend who I wish so much I could spend time with.She knows about my IBS but I cant get myself to go through my symptoms infront of her without feeling embarrassed.I need to start meditateing I think lol get out the stress and hurt drawn out of me maybe yoga or I'll try to get back into reading a good book.I used to love reading Danielle Steel books maybe I'll pick one of her books up.I have so many goals I want to accomplish and dreams I want to come true.My happiness the thing that will make me happy the most living in home that I love with things I worked hard to get with my signifigent other maybe not who knows lol the signifigent other thing I mean.The dog I've always wanted with my beautiful garden in the back with beautiful flowers I've planted myself with a breath taking view of the Boston skyline.That would be paridise for me no my heaven on earth nothing else would matter IBS would be a walk in the park lol.Oh and wonderful friendships that will last a life time and just the love of my family who mean the world to me.To have them see me conquer IBS and see the healing power of God's love in my life.I know I will have those things I'm going to come through this I got to keep the faith this is the part of my life that will make me into the person I'm supposed to be.Love will come last I need to be happy and love myself before I can love anyone else.Oh and my dream of taking french classes and going to Paris France that would make me soooo dam happy just to visit all the beautiful sites and take and the beauty of the city.I'm going to pray a little hard and thank God everyday for waking me up and trust that he'll get me through this and I wish the same for you all there are better days have faith and trust in God all powerful God he is able.As always in unison lol wishing you good stomach and digestive health all my love till next post. xoxoxo :-)
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