I'm sorry to hear that you are still feeling sad and anxious. I had hoped that by not dealing with "D" now that you are off that medicine would make your life improve significantly. But it sounds like you are still suffering.
I'm not an expert in anything, but it sounds to me like you are so anxious about your condition, your symptoms, and all of the "what ifs" that go with it that you could possibly be making your situation worse. I'm NOT saying, "It's your fault; you're bringing this on yourself." I hope you don't think I'm saying that at all. But sometimes we can get so anxious about our health problems that we end up making them worse through our worry and anxiety. It becomes a vicious cycle.
I deal with several ailments. Whenever I am diagnosed with something new, my reaction is always this: What can I do to get this condition under control so it doesn't control me? I don't want anything or anyone controlling or limiting me; so I work hard to learn all of the things that will help me get my conditions under control as much as humanly possible. I believe my seizures are under control because I take my medication regularly, eat in a healthy manner, and take many vitamins and supplements. I believe my IBS is "managable" because I try to avoid trigger foods, I eat healthy, and I try to avoid stressful situations. I also think that taking an antidepressant helps my IBS as well as helping with my depression and anxiety. For my depression and anxiety, I try to avoid conflict, confrontations, and stress as much as possible. That is actually the most difficult thing of all for me to do. If it was people outside my family, that would be no problem; I would just avoid them completely. But I have a husband and a son who both cause me a lot of grief at times. They are both too lacking in patience, tolerance, and maturity to see that the stress they cause me exacerbates my health conditions. That is the biggest challenge in my life. That is when I turn to friends, God, and this wonderful site. You are benefiting from this site and a faith in God, which is good. But you are missing out on friends! Try to overcome your anxiety about what might happen and just go out and socialize with your friends. If they truly are friends, they will understand and accept your health problems. And don't worry about excusing yourself to go to the bathroom. I do that all the time and just expect my friends and family to accept that when you gotta go, you gotta go!
You need to get out and start living your life instead of letting this illness and your anxiety about it control your life. Just try it!
Diagnosed with: seizure disorder in 1962; seizure-free since 1969, anorexia from 1968-1969; IBS-D in 1996, Mild depression, anxiety, & OCD in 2000, (probably had since childhood); PMDD in 2001, Dysfunctional tear syndrome in 2009; Meds: Phenobarbitol, Paxil, Allegra; Supplements: Citrucel tablets; many vitamins, minerals & herbs - too many to list here