I live in Alaska, and my friend and I were driving through this very small community called Peter's Creek (about 30 minutes from Anchorage, where I live) several months ago, a couple days after my first colonoscopy. I mentioned I was hungry, and she said she had just eaten a ham sandwich before we left. That sounded so darn good to me, even though I'm not usually a ham fan (maybe it was the after-effects of the Demerol??) So I said, "Uh...if you happen to pass by a ham sandwich store, can we stop there?" We stopped at this diner near my house after we came into town and just before my ham sandwich arrived, I leaned over a little to my left to squeak out a fart, and instead I SHARTED!
I got this look on my face like, "Oh, holy ****" and my friend was like, "What? What happened? Why do you have that ridiculous look on your face?" I bolted to the bathroom, took off my underpants, wrapped them in tons of toilet paper, and stuffed 'em in the trashcan! Went back to the table and ate my ham sandwich with gusto! My friend almost died. She was like, "I can't believe you can still sit here and eat that, you dork!"
To this day, we can't talk about the Ham Sandwich Store (our new name for this particular diner) without collapsing in hysterics.