A guy trying to DATE! with IBS

Almost 40

New Member

Joined : Mar 2006

Posts : 3

Posted 3/11/2006 6:53 PM (GMT -8)

I figure why not go to those who know. I've been monitoring the site for a while now and thought I'd sign up and take the plunge.

I guess I should preface this by saying I am doing better now than I have in the past 20 years.

However, now that I've said that, like a prisoner of war I have much emotional damage to deal with.

When I was in my 2nd year of college, my life literally changed overnight. I woke up one day with the worst stomach cramps and spent half the day in and out of the bathroom, This never stopped, from that day on it became so persistent that I ended up out of school, living at home and pushing myself through what felt like life and death anxiety and fears through the next almost 20 years. Extremes of extreme my life shrank and shrank, very hard to socialize, work, travel, almost anything.

I'm in L.A. now finally feeling as close to pre condition I ever have. I've kind of missed my adult formative years. I'm about to turn 40 soon, never really dated, never had a long term relationship, and really hard to admit (thank God this is anonymous) never been intimate with a woman. The shame and embarrassment as a guy from not being able to support myself, not in control of my body, such dislike for myself.

I want this to end. I figure women with IBS can understand and maybe there's someone out there in Los Angeles who needs to be supported and can support.

I hope no one is offended by my writing this, but this is life and I don't care anymore. I have to do what I can to help me.

dbab

Veteran Member

Joined : Jan 2004

Posts : 4151

Posted 3/11/2006 7:17 PM (GMT -8)

Hello Almost 40,
Welcome to Healing Well... I'm glad you decided to join us :)

I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time. Are you on any kind of regimine or treatment for IBS? I know how this disorder can cause such psychological problems, the biggest one being self image. Just remember though that there are a lot of people out there that feel the same way as you. I believe that there is someone for everyone and you will find that person. From what it sounds like, you have a lot of great qualities. This topic has come up more than once so know that you aren't alone.

Please keep posting... it really does help to talk with people that know what you are going through.

Take Care

7Lil

Veteran Member

Joined : Apr 2005

Posts : 3269

Posted 3/11/2006 10:35 PM (GMT -8)

Hi, welcome to the site!

I'm glad you finally took the plunge and decided to participate.

Like dbab said, there are lots of people out there that know what you are going through. Me being one of them. Most of us here know what it is like to feel like a prisoner in our own homes. It's hard to travel and have "healthy" social lives. I'm 27, live in the CA bay area, and my social life consists of dinner with my family and movies with my girl friends. My bf and I broke up just over a year ago and it has been SUPER hard for me to put myself back out there. I'm not into the party scene and I'm afraid to travel too far or be out for long periods of time. AND, when do you tell your date that you have IBS?

Have you tried the internet dating scene? I haven't but lately it has been creeping in my mind.

Are you seeing a doc (GI) about your IBS? Are you taking any meds for it?

(((HUGS))) You are not alone.

Take care.

Almost 40

New Member

Joined : Mar 2006

Posts : 3

Posted 3/12/2006 1:17 AM (GMT -8)

Thanks very much, 7Lil.

That's a great point, when do you tell your date. I did actually tell someone I was dating for a while, and when I did finally tell her, she didn't understand and we broke up that week. Of course, I never forgot that and was just another obstacle to deal with.

After seeing many, many doctors and therapists (blamed myself for many years for not being able to act like an adult and control the problem) I ended up seeing the preeminent doctor who deals with IBS in Los Angeles. It was such a relief to hear him say it was an actual physical problem. Together we were not able to get a total handle on my condition, but he had some great theories and studies he was working on.

I made changes recently myself that has made a miraculous changes in my condition. I would say I am almost 90% normal now. I can't believe everyday how much better I am, and pray I don't wake up one day to find me back to the debilitating problems. Now it's the social problems I have to deal with. I have such a large junk of my life missing, it's hard to explain and to relate to most of the women I meet who have had so called normal histories.

I too have been thinking about trying Internet dating, but have not tried it yet. I guess I always fantasized about meeting a woman who would understand my problem and be totally fine with it.

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