I am new to these forums and I would just like to start by thanking all the support everyone gives to each other. Its very touching.
I am 17 year old male that has been suffering from IBS for the past 2 years. When I was little I was very happy and active and played tons of sports. After my parents Divorce when i was 10, I stopped all sports and slowly started to get more and more depressed. It turns out my biological dad was not the dad that i knew my whole life, he left before i was born. To this day ive never met him or talked to him. After this, rage took over and I went to counseling many times. 1 Year ago when I was 16 my gardes were horrible and it was finals for my high school. During the finals I had this intense erge to go the bathroom. Because they dont let you go to the bathroom at my school I had to fight my way there and it was very very embarrassing (not to mention the bathrooms are dirty.) Thinking this was a fluke, the next day i go to school and the same thing happens. This time I diddnt make it and I had to ditch school and run home. Thankfully no one knew what was going on and thought I just ditched because I diddnt want to take the test. This was the worst day of my life, and I went into shock for hours just laying in bed shaking and crying. I spent the whole summer going to IBS group things and counseling and I thought I was ready to face the next year of school, and I was wrong. For the whole first half of school I went to the bathroom every day because of IBS and it killed me inside. I would wake up in the morning and almost start to cry because I was scared of going to school. Over the past year I gained alot of wieght from stress and had failing grades. After about 4 months I became so depressed that I was thinking of dropping out. Then we came along something called Charter school and for those who dont know its like normal school but most the work is done at home and you only go to school twice a week for two hours. This worked great!!! I was doing all the work and getting a ton of A's and not once did I have to go to the bathroom yet. But the fear is still there and always was, its been 2 months going twice a week to this school and I havent had one problem but the fear is so deeply embedded in me so it is still a great struggle. So now that the IBS is better, My self confidence is so low that Im scared to do anything. I never even go out side without a jacket on, even if its in the 90's. Its gotten really bad.
Anyway Im writing this because I have lost all my friends from my old school and I have no one to talk to. I have never told anyone this and would like to get it off my chest. I have no self confidence in myself and I just sit in my room every day alone and do my work. The funny thing is, is that i dont get lonely sitting here, i just get depressed. Im to scared to meet new people and to lazy to explore the world. Although my grades are really good now I feel worthless and alone. Ive been really down lately about not having a girl friend at any point in my life. I guess you could say I had alot of friends in my old school but now I ignore phone calls from them because I dont want to talk to them and as a result Ive seem to have lost all my friends.
So here I am at 5:30am about to go to my new school and ive been up all night. I havent had any sleep and im so tired emotionally and im holding it all inside. It was time to bring it out
Thank you for listening to me and I feel better just knowing that people know more about me. I could go on for hours but maybe thats for another day...