Posted 3/5/2007 3:54 AM (GMT -6)
I know I've posted a lot lately, and I feel like I'm being annoying....
I feel like some sort of small animal has gotten into my intestines and is crawling around in them. It's my fault, I know ... I had strawberries and a little bit of kiwi and some pineapple, and to top it all off, one of my friends brought ice cream cake to our study session last night. I tried to be good, and just eat bread, but I was hungry, and I figured just a little fruit and just a little ice cream cake wouldn't hurt me. Apparently, I was mistaken. After about the 4th or 5th bite of cake, I was like uggggghhh, bad idea.
And then I got pissed. Because I offered the rest of my ice cream cake to my friend, explaining that I couldn't eat anymore, that it was tearing up my stomach. And she said, in this patronizing voice, "Oh, you poor thing." It's like she didn't even believe me. I was absolutely infuriated ... and then, when I was explaining this to one of the other girls in the study session, she was like "Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe it isn't that she doesn't believe you. I think some people just feel like you should either do something about it or stop complaining."
Well, I AM doing something about it thankyouverymuch. I take my supplements, I haven't eaten red meat in over a month, and this was the first time I've eaten ice cream in even longer than that. (Those are my two main triggers - I just can't eat them at all.) I keep a food diary. I have antispasmodics (that don't really work all that well, by the way.) I'm SORRY if you think me not wanting to waste the yummy cake that I WANT to eat but I CAN'T is complaining, but what else was I supposed to do?? I would've gotten a condescending look anyway if I'd just thrown it away, because I'm being "wasteful." It's like I just can't win. And it's not like I'm sick all the time - I felt great for the last two days, and I think I would've been fine today had it not been for the coffee ice cream. But no, I had to be an idiot and eat it.
I wonder if people realize how difficult it is to just cut something from your diet entirely, knowing that if you break over just a tiny bit, just one time, you'll be up sick for half the night. I swear, I've been craving my mom's spaghetti (with red meat in it) and a hamburger and Hagen-Daaz co**** pineapple ice cream for what seems like eons - and I can't eat them. Obviously, it tears me to pieces. Why is it so hard for people to understand that??? I am so annoyed... I have a friend who has massive GI issues. She's on supplemental TPN, and they're trying their hardest to get her off of it, but she throws up almost every piece of solid food she eats. She can do baby food sometimes, and liquids. Well, people ask her, why don't you just eat baby food all the time, then? And I want to yell at them, and ask them if THEY want to eat baby food forever. It's not so easy. It's easy for everybody else to say - they can eat a hamburger, or drink a milkshake, or eat pizza anytime they want to.
I'm sorry. I'm just annoyed at how unfair it is that some people are dealt unfair hands, and you just have to deal with it, but people make it so much more difficult than it already is. I'm tired, and frustrated. Apologies.