Haha! I love it Keriamon!! "fart-by-fart analysis...color, shape, content and smell..." That one made my day, thank you so much :D
Well Keriamon and shortnsweet9, you both have truly touched my heart. It's unfortunate when the things you tell me [about
the relationship in question] are the same words of advice I would tell someone else. Of course we are victims of our own biases, and it's such therapy to hear input from others, especially those affected by IBS [for instance].
You are both right in what you speak, and I have always known it. To say you can't handle someone's moments of despair, whether they be hysterical or calm, is saying you cannot handle the "burdens" that come with caring for someone else. Everything you have both said about
"in sickness and in health" and being a team because you WANT to be is what I argue with bone-head about
constantly. I don't overanalyze the "hidden motives" behind my friends calling me when they are crying and upset. Even if I can't solve the problem. The point is that when you love someone, you care for them no questions asked. Obviously he cannot handle that. And unfortunately, I spend so much time and vital energy trying to explain it to him...in hopes that he might be able to accept another perspective. Maybe not necessarily agree, but just respect and acknowledge another point of view.
For Blessed sake, if I am depressed or physically sick he will only call me if it is convenient...it seems. I will admit, he is not himself and hasn't been for a while because of HIS depression. So to him, he says "How can I help you if I can't even help myself?" Which in essence is valid. HOWEVER, guess what? I am sick too, but it doesn't take much energy for me to care or be concerned...to WANT to know his progress and make sure he didn't commit suicide. The emphasis is on WANTING to care, WANTING to be there, and frankly just BEING there and it coming from the heart...not effort.
But of course, it is like talking to a brick wall. What's sad is that he shows me he cares in other ways that are NOT emotional...though emotional support is more vital in my opinion. He will physically help me out around the place, fix things, buy stuff to make my life easier like a tool kit, emergency stuff for my car, buy me food and gas. Little things like that. He sees that as his love for me in that he wants to take care of me. But that part of care is just that...A PART. If that makes him feel that he has done his part, then well, I guess that is how he will sleep at night. But if he only makes me feel guilty for crying then what good was all of that?
The man will hurt my feelings so bad sometimes that I cry. Well, I take that back. I am already sensitive and it doesn't take much INSULT [especially from someone I love] to make me cry. But I think that is pretty...hmm...NORMAL. Anyhow, I will start crying. And because he wasn't TRYING to make me cry [naturally..] he will get pissed off at me for crying. Then comes the same quote, "Why do you always do this?! Now you are just trying to make me feel bad and I didn't do anything to you!!" He just sees it like, "Okay, heeeere we go agaaain..." So bleepin' insensitive. What hurts the most is when he comes out with the same old shpeal..."Look, obviously you need someone who is going to be [insert bullcrap here] and obviously I'm just not that person. So you need to go and find someone who is going to do [insert bullcrap here]". Of course, the bullcrap is along the lines of "drop everything they are doing to listen to you cry when it is convenient for you". And he will continue with, "And I'm sure there are guys like that out there. Like dogs just waiting hand and foot. But I'm just not like that." Naturally, trying to make it seem like I'M the insensitive one. And when he says these things, mostly out of anger that he apologizes for later and swears he doesn't mean, it only makes me CRY MORE.
To make things worse, he gets so pissed off at the whole situation in general, that even though I am crying and hurting, it doesn't even phase him. Because naturally, I am making it a point for him to hear me cry to make him feel bad...remember? So going with this, it is sooo easy for him to just hang up on me because he can't take it anymore. And when I say "me niether!" he insists that I just looove arguing. If you can't just think rationally when you are arguing and not coming out with old issues, how are you going to deal with real situations? I just can't fathom how someone can live with the fact that they make their "love" so upset and tear strucken. If I were to make him cry, which has happened hmmm ONCE in three years, I would immediately snap out of it and realize how much pain I inflicted on him. I wouldn't even blink.
I'm sorry for rambling, I have so many frustrations bottled up and because he somehow sees things SOO differently than I do, sometimes I question if it is me..? I can't understand how someone can be so blind at human nature as he is. I have never been part of any forum before and I am so glad I joined.
This whole week was pretty bad...constantly bloated to the point where I couldn't breathe. I actually started what is called "Bowen Therapy". This is basically a cross between energy healing and acupressure. I went mostly to help with my back. I overtrained my rhomboid area about
5 months ago and have had pain ever since. It has fluctuated and I've had acupuncture, seen a chiropractor [just sucked $ and did nothing] and regular MD. Of course, the stress of this chronic pain has made me more upset in addition to IBS, and could possibly have made things worse in a psychological sense. However, this therapy is meant to release all the, well, crap you have stored up inside your body for overall healing, in addition to pressure points to help release my back pain. If anyone is interested in learning more, just google "Bowen Therapy". It's pretty interesting. I actually started bawling during the treatment because you get this huge feeling of release. Which was to be expected. Obviously I have so much I'm holding onto inside, which could be a big aspect of the IBS. Not all, but definitely some of it. I'm to have a total of three treatments and we'll see how I come out. Bonnie [the CMT] actually had me get on MSM and Coral Calcium. These two are meant to help maintain a health pH balance in your body. Of course, I did my research before going along with it. Before specializing in this, Bonnie was actually in business and had so much anxiety and depression that she came down with Crohn's Disease. She said that taking these two, in addition to a healthier/cleaner diet, pretty much cured her. Not only this, but she said that she has many clients who have IBS and taking these two supplements has helped them within days of first taking them. I already knew a little about
MSM and Coral Calcium because I'm a fitness trainer and nutritionist, but I am going to go ahead and see how it goes. I'll let you guys know.
Thank you again so much for everything. It is nice to have *friends* to talk to. Not strangers :)
Post Edited (nickic) : 11/9/2007 4:39:17 PM (GMT-7)