struggling with decision

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New Member

Date Joined Nov 2013
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 11/4/2013 4:35 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm 21 years old with a 8 month old son. My mom is 53 years old with kidney disease and starting the process of testing for kidney transplant. She's not on dialysis as of yet. She's currently on temporary disability through her job. She's had diabetes since giving birth to me. I've always felt blame for that even though she's never taken quite good care of her self and her diet. We have a pretty strained relationship, always arguing about something. I've been asking her about her doctor appointments for months and she always says everything's looking good but she recently broke the news to me during yet another argument that transplant or dialysis is in her near future. I tend to put myself in denial about her health because of course it pains me. I don't know how to handle this and I'm quite sure I've made up my mind, Between the risks, having such a young child and little research to go on, I will not be donating or even getting tested. I feel extremely guilty and have fallen into depression. My mom doesn't know this yet and she's not even speaking to me at the moment despite my attempts at reaching out to her and expressing my love for her( affection is something uncommon between us). I am really saddened by this whole situation and will be starting therapy soon for this and other reasons. Guess I'm just looking for support and reassurance that I'm not a horrible person for deciding not to go through with testing or donation. sad

Gizzy'n me
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1870
   Posted 11/6/2013 10:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Please ........
Do not assume guilt!!!
You are not responsible for the condition of your Mothers kidneys. You do have some major responsibilities of your own .... and taking on someone elses guilt is NOT one of those responsibilities.
I am a kidney patient, as well as, a cancer patient. I also had a Mother who always seemed to lay guilt upon me ... she is now a serious dementia patient, was a very heavy drinker. And I will NOT take on any guilt for any of that!
Try to do the same!
Rob and Gizzy
Initial Dx of PCa in 2003/2004
Radiation (5x5wks) & Brachytherapy (96 seeds) in 2004
Low PSA for 6-years then Casodex briefly
Lupron from 2011 to current
Zytiga 2012 (5-months) - PSA increase
Prednisone & Xgeva from 2012
Taxotere - August 2012 (30-weeks) - PSA from 54+ to 12+
No chemo (8-wks) - PSA to over 23
Xtandi - June to Aug - 2013 - PSA increase
Jevtana + Lexapro - from October 2013
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